Are You Happy Here?

[MrPlum]

This could be phrased in a number of ways... 'Did you make the right choice to leave your home country?' or 'Is living away from home making you depressed?'

Basically. 'Are you happy?'

When I left the UK 10 years ago I was completely burned out by years of work and marital stress. So, for me, leaving the UK was the best decision I ever made and I still count my blessing every day. Who else is lucky enough to basically retire at 40? One of the reasons I can do this is I have learned to live with little and be content. Most know that money is a major cause of tension and marital breakup. Remove it as a concern and you're already ahead of most people.

Then there is your partner and/or friends. If your partner is not who you thought he/she was, then that can be a source of unhappiness.

Some people are comfortable with their own company and have no need of social activities. Others can't abide being alone and crave fellowship.

Some may have been miserable and hoping a change would give them a lift. While some may have failed back home and sought a new beginning. Either in business or in marriage. Divorce is a common reason why people escape their home countries.

Adventurers may have travelled from other countries and liked Thailand so much they didn't want to leave. That's mostly my story.

I've created a POLL since there may be those who don't wish to share their reasons yet may vote.

[lomuamart]

Mr Plum,
Retired at 40? I beat you - was 39.
"Happy?" I've got to live somewhere and this country seems as good as any that I've visited (despit when I get on my high horse about Imm and other matters). I certainly wouldn't want to be back in the UK other than for a short break.
After 11 years here, there have definitely been downs as well as ups. I'll never be rich, but the money dosn't bother me too much. As long as my wife and I can live reasonably well, we can do without the expensive golf courses, property and restaurants. Don't get me wrong, money helps as I've got to satisfy Imm requirements and the occasional "blow out" is good fun whilst it lasts.
I came here for misguided love years ago. Started a business and was lucky to have survived that financially and physically for 2.5 years. The old flame blew away. I'm now happily married.
I'd lost faith and direction in my work back in the UK and every day was a drag and a real bind. Traveling up to 3 hours by car to and from the office, seeing my authority whittled away and earning less. What was the point? Loyalty? They didn't give me any. Money? I went to Thailand for a whole lot less and became overall more happy. Love? Yes, I went through that and lost the first time, but I tried again and have generally "won".
Am I happy here? Generally, yes. There are frustrating times, but I reckon that anyone who walks around here with a permanent grin on their face and waxes lyrical about how it's heaven - well they're either into religion or drugs.

[pitsch]

It would be interesting if there is a correlation between happiness and the time spent in Thailand. I voted yes and I am here for 2,5 years. I only regret that I did not come several years earlier, but only with 64.

[MrPlum]

Mr Plum,
Retired at 40? I beat you - was 39.

I reckon that anyone who walks around here with a permanent grin on their face and waxes lyrical about how it's heaven - well they're either into religion or drugs.

Beat me even more. I was actually 42.

I tend to wear my 'street face', a bit like a smacked buttock but inside I'm generally content.

We live in a time where great burdens are placed on men and their status has been devalued. Immorality and the elevation of the 'self' over others has made us forget our true nature and kept us locked into the gratification of the senses. We forget our true power and divinity. Men and women have been turned against each other (one of the reasons I headed East) and there is a battle for control of our children's minds, which I think the State and Harry Potter are winning. The State additionally is only too happy to divest us of our worldly goods. Rightly or wrongly.

The diktats of corporations means we are treated as units of production. Our lives measured by money and returns on a balance sheet and not as divine beings. I know some of the boozers out there think they are immortal after a few sherbets. Been there. Done that.

Thoreau said "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." I think that's true. We live in what the ancient yogis would call a Tamasic world. Other religions have their own descriptions. Such as this one from (2 Timothy 3:1-5) 'But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away.'

I happen to think that 'heaven' is harmony and 'hell' is disharmony. When there is a lack of harmony within ourselves it manifests as a lack of harmony within the world. If our minds are constantly filled with fear, violence and anxiety, our world view is bound to be dark. Our salvation, according to the sages, is to do what we can to promote harmony. Both within and without. To become aware of our true internal divine nature and to reject everything that brings us down.

Because it is easier to change our external circumstances than battle internal demons, we seek distraction and comfort from outside ourselves. We self-tranquilize, just as much as the drug-peddling quacks, who dope us with anti-depressants, do, permanently altering our brain chemistry. They don't help, since they are highly destructive and can make us feel worse. Just try coming off them.

One major problem with living abroad is doing so without having some purpose. Some hobby or activity that can fill your time. When I was in Portugal, those without purpose opted for red wine and the cafe culture. It's nice for a while. Good friendships can be struck. Over here it's Singha and an endless supply of ladies all happy to tell you how handsome you are. These come with consequences though and after enough years we become jaded, addicted or ill. Transitory pleasures are fine but all too fleeting. Money means you buy more pleasure but even the wealthy get jaded. They end up asking the question... 'Is this all there is?'

Abroad we don't have the same support networks as we do at home. Ex-military miss the status and camaraderie they used to have. My father was dead at 54. Life outside the services was never the same for him. My father-in-law dead at 49. Bottle of whiskey in his hand. A hopeless alcoholic. These are tragedies that I'm sure are played out in many lives and were warnings to me, which I have heeded.

Those who are truly happy are very fortunate.

Depression can be a problem as the regular suicides in Pattaya attest. Some people may have clinical depression and not realize it. There are various strategies to come out of it.

If you have a good group of friends. if your family is still in contact and visiting you. If you have enough money to spend 6 months of the year here and 6 months elsewhere. If you enjoy Golf or gardening. If your relationships are positive, then you have the elements in place to make life a pleasure.

Some people have lots of friends yet still feel alone.

Ultimately you have to recognize that happiness comes from within, while pleasure comes from without. If you are unhappy in your home country, the chances are you will be unhappy elsewhere.

Message boards full of 'funny foreigners' are another addiction that can disturb your peace of mind!

[PeteC]

I think the key is to have a sense of purpose. Without that you'll be miserable regardless of where you are. I think many retirees suffer from lack of this. I have it here, perhaps more so than if I was still in the USA.

There are frustrations here, we talk about them all the time. However, none seem to me to be insurmountable or worthy of too much worry.

I only have a few close western friends here and that is by choice. I've found that many bring baggage with them and their baggage ultimately ends up becoming your baggage through constant focus and conversation about it.

I'm very happy to co-exist in a Thai community even though I'm fully aware I'll never be fully accepted nor my life skills and experience appreciated, or even understood most of the time.

It fun for me to observe, learn and participate when I can, always keeping a sense of humor and displaying that as often as possible. The Thai's I know appreciate that mentality in people and accept you very quickly if they feel you're genuine.

Overall I'm content here, but life is what you make it regardless of the place. Pete

[radical roger]

Mr Plum, that was an inspiring post from the heart. True happiness can only come from within and sums up Buddhist philosophy. As a professed Buddhist, this is an underscoring element in my wish to move to Thailand. During Vipassana retreats in Chiang Mai - I have witnessed the busy, craving nature of my mind when there really was nothing to do other than be in the present momment.
A few years back, after driving from Mukdahan back to Pattaya, in Naklua an old pick-up came round the bend on the wrong side of the road. The head on collision was damaging to my gf's car. Fortunately other than a small cut to her forehead from hitting the windscreen my gf was unhurt. I got out of the car and went straight into ranting mode. I think I was conforming to a vengeful stereotype. The young driver looked bewildered. I took this to be insolent disregard.
By the time the police arrived my gf had quickly arranged with the uncle, of the under- age driver, that for simplification purposes she would be named as the driver of her car and the uncle the driver of the pick-up. Papers were signed pledging uncle would cover the expensive repair. All sorted. I was left with a sense of shame at my blazing angry response. It had not helped one iota. The bewildered look had been prompted by my 'crazy' outburst.
I have read many posted opinions on Thai mentality. Bad stuff is always more commentworthy. But is there not generally a higher level of acceptance, fun and spiritual centredness to be found amongst Thais? Surely this is part of the living in Thailand happiness factor? Not just sunshine and lower prices. I know a lot of offerings and prayers to Buddha are related to commercial enterprise rather than 'universal compassion' but this is about survival. Strong family bonds seem to be another cause for problems. Isn't this a virtue? How fractured is the Western family?
As one who has not stayed longer than 3 months at a time I am naive and as yet unqualified. Problems I have experienced have usually originated from my own blinkered neediness.
I can understand frustrations arising and no doubt will experience many when I relocate. Crime exists everywhere. A few years back my business was rocked by the theft of a truck and brushwood chipper. Those who stole from me came from a community who judge a person's worth by how much they can steal. I spend all lot of time and effort trying to prevent equipment being stolen during the course of a day's work.
Bit of a ramble there, sorry. Just looking forward to returning next week.
Did have a thought. I will be travelling light. Apart from obvious items ( sealed, unidentified boxes etc. ) do HH residents ever think ... 'Wish someone could bring me....'.?

[norm]

Basically if I was any happier I couldn't stand it. Started out retired later in life than many of you , as I waited until I was 50 to retire. Actually at the time I didn't plan on retiring, just taking a couple of years off to see the world and get out of a high stress job. But after 2 years we decided being retired was a lot more fun than working, so we never went back.

That was 25 years ago, so I have the hang of retirement now. Have lived in LOS for close to 3 years now. It has it's drawbacks but they are outweighed by all the advantages. The major drawbacks as we see it.

The language and communicating with the thais. Don't tell me to learn Thai, as I have a hearing problem and have trouble with english.

Traffic in LOS is a mess, the drivers are like a bunch of little kids or old ladies. But so far so good, no accidents.

The government being so flaky does not help. They tend to do what is right for them not the country. But then that seems to be true most everywhere. Just not as obvious in some places.

Those pretty much sum up my bitches some other minor things but not worth mentioning.

The things we really like and appreciate about LOS are.

The people are pleasant to be around and I do like all the smiles we get.

One of the major advantages is the amount of taxes we have to pay. Next to most places they are zip, nada, zero, nothing,

I like the climate, as long as the a/c is working.

The food is great and I think reasonable healthy.

Medical is affordable and first class (if you can make it to BKK)

We live in a very nice condo right on the beach, and the condo is well managed and maintained. The beach is very pleasant to walk on and very clean.

The wife likes it here and is very happy and content. Having a great housekeeper is part of that.

We both have our hobbies and like to read. So we have yet to be bored with living here.

Of course one of the biggest things is, we have adequate funds to do most anything we want to (the advantage of waiting until 50 to retire.

It is hard to miss home as I have spent very little time there in the last 27 years. Visited there about 3 years ago and must say I didn't care for it much. People seemed unfriendly, huge and unhappy in general. The food portions served in restaurants were typically huge, enough for 3 people.

My apologies for raving on so long. But I do like it here.

[buksida]

Generally happy also - ten years here and at least fifteen away from retirement! There are definitely a lot more good days than bad and the only major gripe I have is the govt/immigration department constantly reminding you that you are only temporary and they can piss on your bonfire and try to break up your family whenever they feel like it.

[Super Joe]

Ironic in a funny way that my post is next to yours Buksi on our favourite subject

Answer yes, happy. Only downside for me is not the beaurocrisy, red tape and rule changes as they are easy to work around, it's having to constantly listen to farangs whinge and moan about them. Plus us superior and almighty Westerners forgetting we are guests and trying to tell our hosts how they should run their country.
Fortunately we iz talking to da hand as da face ain't listening (Ali G - 2005).

SJ

[hhfarang]

Started great, now the shine has come off for me, and no SJ, it's not the bureaucracy or corruption. Although I don't like it, I too have learned to work with it and don't have many problems from it.

My problems have mostly stemmed from the fact that when I chose to live here, Hua Hin was a much nicer, quieter, gentler place to live. It's not the Thias who have ruined it, just the opposite, it's the greedy foreigners who came here to make a fast buck by preying on other, more gullible foreigners.

I first came to Hua Hin in 2003. In six fast years it has changed dramatically for the worse, imo.

[Wanderlust]

Ironic in a funny way that my post is next to yours Buksi on our favourite subject

Answer yes, happy. Only downside for me is not the beaurocrisy, red tape and rule changes as they are easy to work around, it's having to constantly listen to farangs whinge and moan about them. Plus us superior and almighty Westerners forgetting we are guests and trying to tell our hosts how they should run their country.
Fortunately we iz talking to da hand as da face ain't listening (Ali G - 2005).

SJ

I am also generally happy in the same way many describe - bumps in the road but so far no cliffs have been driven off...
I do tire of people telling me that I shouldn't express an opinion on anything to do with the country I live in though, and which affects my Thai wife and Thai children, including unnecessary trips abroad to obtain visas spending money that would have been spent in Thailand otherwise, and if I complain about those it is on their behalf, so I feel I have every right to do so. I don't really care if anyone is listening either.

[buksida]

Ahh predictable as ever SJ, couldn't resist could ya. Won't let another person say anything bad about immigration despite it being the only grumble in ten years of life in Thailand. Give me that at least.

As lomu said the only ones that seem to believe Thailand is some kind of perfect utopia are either on drugs, are religious nuts ... or are property developers.

[PeteC]

Started great, now the shine has come off for me, and no SJ, it's not the bureaucracy or corruption. Although I don't like it, I too have learned to work with it and don't have many problems from it.

My problems have mostly stemmed from the fact that when I chose to live here, Hua Hin was a much nicer, quieter, gentler place to live. It's not the Thias who have ruined it, just the opposite, it's the greedy foreigners who came here to make a fast buck by preying on other, more gullible foreigners.

I first came to Hua Hin in 2003. In six fast years it has changed dramatically for the worse, imo.

You need to wait awhile longer HHF for the property market to rebound, then move out of there if you feel that way. I felt exactly the same way in Pattaya, and that was far away from the bad areas of town. That's exactly why we bought where we did in Rayong. I'm actually back in Thailand again now. , but no as much so if in Issan or the central area of the country.

Also agree with WL. If we're considered guests, we're paying guests with families we need to protect, advise, educate etc., and that gives us a right to an opinion. Head of Household comes to mind, that we talked about yesterday on another thread. Pete

[MrPlum]

Mr Plum, that was an inspiring post from the heart.

Thank you. Don't be fooled though. I don't say these things to inspire others. But to inspire me.

Your question has been asked recently and the consensus view was no need to bring anything.

Feel free to introduce yourself as a new member.

Cheers.

[Super Joe]

Buksi,
That is my genuine answer, was just a coicidence my post was next to yours, wasn't in response to yours, my 250 other posts on the subject confirm it's my genuine view.

I've never suggested Thailand is close to some kind of perfect utopia and have never suggested people should not voice their complaints about the issue. Maybe others have.
We are both giving our honest views on life here.

SJ