Dowry

Post by **Pagey** » Wed May 17, 2006 5:04 pm

Gents (and Thai ladies, Oe ?)

My friends sister got married in Udon Thani last year and I was talking to the groom who is an Australian working on American cruise ships. He was telling me about the negotiations with his brides Thai family regarding how much dowry he should pay. I think it was in the region of 7 to 10 thousand English pounds.

Is it normal to pay a dowry ?

He was told the amount was calculated based on how much he had and her worth to the family.

Post by **Burger** » Wed May 17, 2006 5:19 pm

My friends sister got married in Udon Thani last year and I was talking to the groom who is an Australian working on American cruise ships. He was telling me about the negotiations with his brides Thai family regarding how much dowry he should pay. I think it was in the region of 7 to 10 thousand English pounds.

Is it normal to pay a dowry ?
He was told the amount was calculated based on how much he had and her worth to the family.

I think someone should call the police, sounds like a robbery has been committed in broad daylight.
Sorry to be facetious Pagey, but that sounds well well over the top. I paid 30,000 Baht for a party and 30,000 Baht to my beloved's family. They seemed happy enough, and there's always some kind of 'assistance' they need now and then, it doesn't end with the dowry

I wasn't aware there was any kind of formula to calculate it by, maybe one of the experienced hands on here, ala Guess, will know!?

Still if the Aussie guy is happy and could obviously afford it, then everyone's smiling.

Burger

Post by **Rob c** » Wed May 17, 2006 5:51 pm

I was asked for 500'000 baht, then 300, then 100'000 & paid nowt. We married in England though, so I asked for my father inlaw to pay for our wedding, tradition & all that. They soon stopped asking me for Sin Sot.

If it had been a problem though I would have just paid what I could afford. No point in getting married & getting even more into debt than necessary!

Post by **Pagey** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:02 pm

Why be facetious Burger ?

I cannot remember the exact amount but it seemed a lot. However, they did spend a good deal on the party, hiring caterers, tables,stage,archway etc and the tables were constantly topped up with beer and whisky. the wedding ceremony started early in the morning and did not finish until late evening and all the village appeared to be there.

The groom was far from happy with the amount and because the brides father is in a wheelchair after suffering a stroke (this time not a lie to extract money for medication/surgery - I saw him with my own eyes), an Uncle did the negotiating and was so rude the groom was close to calling it off. One of the relatives even stood in the corner of the room of the house counting the money during the ceremony.

BTW, she is not a bar girl, maybe this affects the price ?

VincentD · Post by **VincentD** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:11 pm

Education, background, social standing, all play a part in the negotiations. The negotiations should have been completed before the actual ceremony.

Post by **lomuamart** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:37 pm

Dowry, or sin sod, is traditional in Thailand.
As opposed to the western concept of the bride's family "paying off" the groom's family, it's the other way round here.
Ever heard the expression "mother's milk"? Well, that is how the Thais view things. "My Mum laboured for me and gave me sustenance, so I must respect and repay her".
Not a bad idea if you think about it.
Most of this country's people are relatively poor. Money does not come down from the parents to the siblings as it does in the west. Totally the opposite, in most instances.
Just look at the situation as a redistribution of wealth.
It's up to you how much you pay and what any future liabilities may be.
At the end of the day, you have to make a decision and maybe love will tear you apart.
This is just my view. I've been through it and am happy with the result. Figures/amounts of money don't matter.

Post by **Jaime** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:52 pm

Burger wrote:I paid 30,000 Baht for a party and 30,000 Baht to my beloved's family. They seemed happy enough, and there's always some kind of 'assistance' they need now and then, it doesn't end with the dowry

It should end with the dowry - that is the whole point. The dowry is a one-off compensatory payment that obviates the need to make financial contributions for an indeterminate (infinite) length of time. It also establishes your place in the social order and the extent to which you become part of the family. If you feel benevolent and want to give from time to time then that is fine but if you are getting asked for cash after having paid a dowry then you would be within your rights to remind them of that fact and politely tell the offending family members to take a running jump!

Having said that, 30k baht seems a bit light these days (agree that 7-10k sterling is way over the top though) so maybe they see you as a Cheap Charlie from whom they have yet to extract a satisfactory amount!

From many discussions with others and from my own experience, the average seems to be about 100,000 baht (about 1450 quid) for the family and 5 'baht' of gold for the wife.

I read somewhere that sometimes this money is 'given' at the ceremony for the sake of 'face' and then returned in part or whole in private but don't know anyone to whom this has happened.

Post by **Mongo Slade** » Wed May 17, 2006 7:51 pm

Question, does anyone have an idea of how much dowry to give the parents of a bride to be who has been married before and is now divorced? Should this situation have any affect on the sum of money given?

Post by **Pagey** » Wed May 17, 2006 7:54 pm

Vincent D

It was negotiated before the wedding but it was handed over during the ceremony.

Post by **Adrian Tan** » Wed May 17, 2006 8:43 pm

A friend of mine paid $7000(Singapore currency) for the whole package(Dowry, dinner & gifts) when he married a women in Udon.

I guess it is very individual, as you will see different opinions. Just give anything within your comfort zone & not let your finance go into the red zone after the wedding.

In Singapore, there's even financial institutes who offers you money for your marriage. Think that's the last thing anyone should do.

Adrian

Post by **MartinJ** » Wed May 17, 2006 10:03 pm

I better start saving

Post by **olmate** » Wed May 17, 2006 10:12 pm

Me too

Post by **oasisdave** » Wed May 17, 2006 10:37 pm

one of my friends asked me when do i ever give my parents any money
answer NEVER.
so why should i give my g/fs parents money.

Post by **Jaime** » Wed May 17, 2006 10:47 pm

oasisdave wrote:so why should i give my g/fs parents money.

Ask your girlfriend for the full answer!

Post by **buksida** » Thu May 18, 2006 12:08 am

There is no magic amount with this, you can't just punch it into a calculator, multiply it with the coeficiency of how fit your girlfriend is, divide that by the parsimony of her parents, add how much you're willing to lose and the size of the party and come up with your magic number.

The dowry is a tradition that goes back a long way in this country, however over the years they have adopted to newer ways of thinking. As everything in Thailand is, it is negotiable.

It all comes down to your own situation, and yes, the parents will milk it to their needs whether it be a huge party and showing off the new groom or a small affair for close family or simply blessing sent overseas.

The bride and groom in question need to decide on their personal situation and explain it to both families, they are the ones getting married, they are the ones who have to live with each other forever. If the family doesnt agree and makes demands for stupid amounts of money I'm afraid this pattern will continue for a long long time be it directly or indirectly.

Good luck.