Rat - A Culinary Report

[Jaime]

Some of you may have been aware of my quest for rodent meat in Thailand. Even fewer will have been interested but just for that minority, here is an update:

About six hours into my recent journey up country, Mrs Jaime, who has wholeheartedly supported my quest for rodent meat, shouted ‘Noo, noo!’ (‘Rat, rat!’) and pointed to a road-side stall that went past in a blur. At the time I was virtually touching the car in front doing about 140 km/h and carefully timing my move to undertake it and get back into the outside lane before becoming enmeshed in the cement truck further up the middle lane. It was a close call – abandon the undertake manoeuvre and swerve across three lanes of traffic before reversing up the slow lane for grilled rat on a stick or following through with Plan A and taking a chance with the cement wagon. I chose the cement wagon and the fact that I am typing this tells you that I made it. My split second decision was based on the fact that now we were obviously in rat country, that more stalls would be sure to appear. Alas, this was not to be. We arrived in The Village completely ratless, although we did stop at a stall a little further down the road and more or less fill up the flat bed with dried fish heads. Upon arrival, I was exhausted and after a really nice pork stir fry (without beer – the start of a three day fast) I crashed out early and slept for 14 hours straight. Before dropping off, Mrs Jaime told me that there was a chance of getting mole meat at the market the next day. I didn’t like the idea of those big hands on such little bodies – freaky – but I was willing to give it a go.

The next morning, Mrs Jaime confirmed that she had been to the market and there were no moles. To be honest I was slightly relieved – she had described how they looked when skinned, making a nasty face with bared teeth and making stunted flipper like motions with her hands. There was, however, a squirrel stall that she had previously forgotten about but which hadn’t had any squirrel all week. She and her family then launched into a tirade against the hill tribe refugees from Burma who are eating all the squirrels and causing a nationwide squirrel shortage. I didn’t get involved with any politically correct interjections about how the tribal people were victims of genocide – the lack of squirrel was clearly an important local issue. Squirrel is of course regarded as superior meat to both mole and rat. I was also reacquainted with my old friend the squat toilet, which is an all-round unpleasant experience. As I gritted my teeth and struggled for balance it felt like I had never been away (good to know that Thais have the same problems with western toilets though - in a service stop on the way back there was a sign explaining that the toilet must not be stood on in order to defecate). I then spent half the night on the world’s oldest and lumpiest un-sprung mattress and the rest on the teak floor, staring with frustration at the ceiling whilst listening to the howling dogs, twittering birds, crowing cocks and the unidentifiable whooping and chattering animal sounds coming from near and far. What little sleep I did manage was disrupted by a vivid and disturbing nightmare involving Val Doonican.

When I awoke on day three, almost insane through lack of sleep, discomfort and mental torment, I was greeted with tremendous news; although the rice has now been harvested (rats are plentiful when the rice is high), it is now the season for sweet potatoes and yams, which country rats also love. Mrs Jaime’s uncle has a yam farm and his son had been on a very successful rat hunt during the night! They were being prepared as we spoke and my father in law was on his way to pick them up. When the rats arrived I was not disappointed – they were plentiful in number and really looked quite appetising. They ranged from about six to nine inches in length (excluding tail), had been skinned, had their rear feet removed and had their snouts chopped off. Mrs Jaime explained that they look more appetising without their pointy rat teeth on display. I didn’t bother to ask why they don’t do the same to moles. They had also been partly grilled to draw off some of the fat, I was told, because rat is quite fatty. An uncle confirmed to me that the best meat was from the hind quarters, as one would expect, and that the plan was to make ‘noo pat pet’ – spicy stir-fried rat – that evening. I asked if the biggest one could be reserved for me to have barbecued whole and they agreed, as there were plenty of rats for everyone. Excitedly I made my way back to the market to see if the squirrel stall had received any squirrels – I was keen to make a direct comparison between rat and squirrel – but when I got there the stall was empty. It was just as well really because the old fella was sat there at his empty table, waiting for the day the squirrels will come and whiling away the time by using the meat cleaver that he presumably uses to butcher the squirrels to remove the calluses from his feet. A rat in the hand is definitely worth two squirrels in the bush, especially if they come with a free verucca.

I can honestly say that grilled rat is quite nice – it smells a bit like roast chicken but the taste is different. It has that slightly fruity taste that game has. Pheasant is the closest taste that I can think of. Not as much meat as I thought there would be but the best meat was obviously the rump section and there was some nice stuff along the backbone and at the back of the neck. The meat between the ribs was also good but meagre. The spicy stir fry wasn’t quite so enjoyable because the whole rat – head, tail, offal, the lot – gets chopped to a sort of pulp and despite assurances that the bones would not be discernible once the whole thing was cooked, they were. Especially bits of the head, tail and spine. The resultant mash is also a bit oily as the rat is indeed quite fatty. Of course, with the grilled rat this helps to keep the meat tender so it isn’t so much of a problem. Still, even if the crunchy texture was slightly off-putting the stir fried rat meat was complimented really well by the chilli, lemongrass, galangal and garlic that it gets fried up with and there was loads of it – about ten rats were used for the stir fry. I filled my boots and broke my beer fast before a slightly less uncomfortable night.

Drove back to relative civilisation here in Hua Hin on Saturday and I'm still alive, so the rats must have been OK. On the way back there were more or less continuous road-side stalls selling grilled rat for the whole journey (south bound between Nakhon Sawan and Nakhon Pathom, for those who are also interested in rat meat). Like Mrs Jaime says, rats are like buses – when you want one you can’t get one but once you get one, then loads come along at the same time. F*#$ing typical!

[PeteC]

Great report Jaime. We've thrown out last weeks papers but when the weekend rolls around I'll send you the email address for the Bangkok Post's weekly Guru Magazine. They may well publish your story.

You now get to carve one notch in your gun handle. To be followed by one each for dog (sorry Dawn), cat, squirrel, snake, ging-ga lizards, and hee-ah lizards. There is also honorable mention for land walking catfish if you can catch them in your yard during rainy season, any vartiety of insect at the local market, and deep fried small birds (name unknown) but you pop in the whole thing, beak, feet etc., but the feathers are gone from the deep fry. They're no bigger than 1 pound coin, but rare these days.

Glad you had a good trip but would suggest you watch those squatters. Thai papers had a story about something coming up when someone was going down, bit him and then disappeared down the hole again. Four teeth marks so not a snake, very well could have been a water rat?! Pete

[DawnHRD]

Glad you had a good trip but would suggest you watch those squatters. Thai papers had a story about something coming up when someone was going down, bit him and then disappeared down the hole again. Four teeth marks so not a snake, very well could have been a water rat?! Pete

Now that would have been poetic justice for you, Jaime. Eating rat & getting bitten on the bum by one of its cousins!!

[caller]

Great report Jaime, it was my 1st day back at work and it took a chill off my depression.

The bit about Val Doonican had me roaring - where did that come from and so unexpected - was it the cardi's?

But you're doing me no favours, I've been nagging Ooy about not eating beef or lamb, and now I'm being threatened with Rat, snake, dog and the like on the next trip, although the Rat season might be over? And the snake, if served up like to Michael Palin in 80 days, would be welcome!!

More please!