Not very funny

Post by **Jockey** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 10:50 pm

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch,
"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,
"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is,however,the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Now wipe that smile off your face!

Post by **dr dave soul monsta** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 1:23 am

Jockey i think maybe you have too much time on your hands !!

Post by **Jockey** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 6:38 am

Thought this thread could be "a bad joke thread" - anyone know any jokes?

Post by **Jockey** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 7:42 am

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop

JW · Post by JW » Tue Jul 11, 2006 9:56 am

Jockey - that one was so bad i chuckled!

Post by **Jankou** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 4:09 pm

Jockey wrote:A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop

I think that Jockey have eated a joke book...

Post by **essbee** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 4:53 pm

Qutoe from a famous person " I'm never going to get married again, I just going to find a woman I dont like and buy her a house"

Post by **PeteC** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 5:00 pm

The best revenge against a man who steals your wife is to let him keep her!

Pete

Post by **Heebio** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 5:49 pm

What did the bus driver say to the man with no arms and no legs waiting at the bus stop.

"How you getting on pal?"

Post by **Guess** » Wed Jul 12, 2006 5:41 am

Did you hear the one about the ald empty hoose

There was nothing in it.

Post by **Jaime** » Wed Jul 12, 2006 6:07 am

This is bad (pretty sure it's a Tommy Cooper gag!)

Two fleas sat on a wall. One turns to the other and says,

"Hop it!"

Post by **Guess** » Wed Jul 12, 2006 11:05 am

Two flies land on top of a box of cornflakes and one starts running up and down from one side to the other and back agains. The other one says "what the hell are you doing that for?". The reply was "it says tear down the dotted line".

Post by **Guess** » Wed Jul 12, 2006 11:10 am

Jaime wrote:This is bad (pretty sure it's a Tommy Cooper gag!)

Maybe, I first heard it in Dad's Army. They often used other peoples one liners.

I see you have moved again. Is it possible that you could now be a neighbour of Wayne Rooney?

Post by **Guess** » Wed Jul 12, 2006 11:20 am

A guy goes out with his new girlfriend for a meal. They both place their orders and after some small talk the first course is delivered to the table.

The guy suddenly puts his head down in his lap and starts muttering which then leads to what appears to an argument with himself.

He then says "Shut up talking bollocks" and lifts his head up and carries on with his starter.

Post by **Wanderlust** » Wed Jul 12, 2006 11:32 am

Two teams of flies are playing football in a saucer. One fly goes up to a team mate who isn't running around much. "What's up?" he says. The other replies, 'I just can't get motivated for this game', so the other one says, 'Don't worry - next week we're in the Cup!'