I feel sorry for people who don't
drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is
that when they aren't drunk,
they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes
forced to be drunk to spend time
with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said
you'd do drunk. That will teach you
to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on
the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
Drunk is feeling sophisticated
when you can't say it.
--Anonymous
No animal ever invented anything
as bad as drunkenness - or as good
as drink.
--G.K. Chesterton
Time is never wasted when you're
wasted all the time.
-Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who
yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs
due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful
excuse to pursue the one activity
that truly gives me pleasure,
hooking up with fat hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I
didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has
stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the
beer holder.
--Anonymous
If God had intended us to drink
beer, He would have given us
stomachs.
--David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking
classes.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of
drinking, I gave up reading .
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a
waste of life, so get wasted all
of the time and have the time of
your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front
of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a
case. Coincidence?
-Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When
we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no
sin. When we commit no sin,
we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's
all get drunk, and go to heaven...
- Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless
you have a beer and an airline - it
helps if you have some kind of a
football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you
need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken
more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato
Beer is proof that God loves us
and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total
enlightenment while drinking beer,
I bet it makes beer shoot out your
nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest
invention in the history of mankind
is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as
well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that
everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and
I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room
for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without
chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be
no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
I drink to make other people
interesting.
-George Jean Nathan
All right, brain, I don't like you
and you don't like me -
so let's just do this and I'll get
back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
