A flashy 26 year old showgirl married a 87 year-old retired
well-to-do Navy pilot, largely because she held the belief that
the old codger wouldn't even survive the wedding night.
While her new husband was in the bathroom, the woman
slipped into a black see-through nightie and struck
her most seductive pose upon the bed. When the old man finally
emerged, she was startled to see that he was stark naked except for
earplugs, a clothes pin on his nose and a condom.
"Why are you wearing those?" she asked in amazement.
"Because if there's anything I just can't stand, "he grumbled, "it's
the sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning rubber."
Best of British
-
Wanderlust
- Legend
- Posts: 2862
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:27 pm
- Location: Hua Hin
A father walks into a market followed by his twelve-year-old son. The kid is spinning a coin in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking, going blue in the face, and dad starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, middle-aged, moderately attractive but serious woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts effusively thanking her, saying: "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before!- it was fantastic! Are you a doctor?'"
"Good heavens, no," the woman replies. "I am a divorce lawyer."
A well dressed, middle-aged, moderately attractive but serious woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts effusively thanking her, saying: "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before!- it was fantastic! Are you a doctor?'"
"Good heavens, no," the woman replies. "I am a divorce lawyer."
-
Guess
- Deceased
- Posts: 3470
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:01 pm
- Location: BangSaphan. Laurasia. Sub thumb
An old couple have returned home after celebrating their Golden Wedding Anniversary.
The old fella gets into bed and prepares for his well earnt night's sleep. A few minuteslater his wife comesout of the bathroom dressed in a G string, peephole bra, suspenders and stockings. She says to her husband "Do you remember when we were first married and I came to your bedroom dressed like this". He says "yes, I remember it well, just like it was yesterday." She says "And what did you think at the time". He says "I wanted to f**k your brains out and suck your tits dry". She says "And what do you thnk now?"
The old fella says "I reckon I did a jolly damn fine job of it"
The old fella gets into bed and prepares for his well earnt night's sleep. A few minuteslater his wife comesout of the bathroom dressed in a G string, peephole bra, suspenders and stockings. She says to her husband "Do you remember when we were first married and I came to your bedroom dressed like this". He says "yes, I remember it well, just like it was yesterday." She says "And what did you think at the time". He says "I wanted to f**k your brains out and suck your tits dry". She says "And what do you thnk now?"
The old fella says "I reckon I did a jolly damn fine job of it"
[color=blue][size=134]Care in the community success story.[/size][/color]
-
Perente
- Specialist
- Posts: 139
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:04 pm
- Location: Flat out in the mid-day sun, Hua Hin
Advice for Every-one
Some handy tips for everyday.
Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always
circle
the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from
the
washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check
that
it has gone.
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the
object you wish to view.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone
else to hold them while you chop away.
Always poo at work, not only will you save money on toilet paper,
but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a
chocolate
bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the
first
place, you fat bastard.
Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning
after,
you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of
washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home
by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach,
then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip
a
handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating
cakes again.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive
vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by
running
a bit slower.
Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag
from the butt of your last one.
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or
veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat
substitute
etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the
difference.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt
be
made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about
yours, and ask for a nice steak.
Give comics that 'Pulp Fiction' feel by reading the last frames
of cartoons first, and then read the rest in random order.
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of
your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough
to insulate your roof.
Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car
before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems
anyway, so it may as well look like one.
A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep.
Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with
whom you disagree.
Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging
your feet twice on each stair.
At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next
customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.
Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date.
All
he's interested in is seeing you starkers.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes
the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast
wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid
for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and
the other in your coat pocket.
Don't invite drug addicts around for a meal on Boxing Day. They may
find
the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always
circle
the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from
the
washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check
that
it has gone.
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the
object you wish to view.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone
else to hold them while you chop away.
Always poo at work, not only will you save money on toilet paper,
but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a
chocolate
bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the
first
place, you fat bastard.
Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning
after,
you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of
washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home
by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach,
then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip
a
handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating
cakes again.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive
vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by
running
a bit slower.
Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag
from the butt of your last one.
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or
veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat
substitute
etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the
difference.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt
be
made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about
yours, and ask for a nice steak.
Give comics that 'Pulp Fiction' feel by reading the last frames
of cartoons first, and then read the rest in random order.
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of
your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough
to insulate your roof.
Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car
before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems
anyway, so it may as well look like one.
A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep.
Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with
whom you disagree.
Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging
your feet twice on each stair.
At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next
customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.
Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date.
All
he's interested in is seeing you starkers.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes
the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast
wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid
for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and
the other in your coat pocket.
Don't invite drug addicts around for a meal on Boxing Day. They may
find
the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
-
Wanderlust
- Legend
- Posts: 2862
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:27 pm
- Location: Hua Hin
Viz Top Tips
DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.
CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by going to the toilet before the film starts.
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
actually speaking clearly in the first place.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
with your old bank statements.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to
remove the stains.
SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.
MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to
yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set
one of their dogs on you.
EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
CVs into the bin.
MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save
your wife from having to do it.
GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending a ?50 note to yourself by Royal Mail.
BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
very small horse is approaching.
MEN Make sure that your lady always gets to sleep in the wet patch by
ejaculating into her side of the bed before she gets into it.
BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not
wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
GRATED cheddar cheese from the supermarket can be squashed tightly
together with the fingers to produce a block of cheese, ready for
slicing or grating.
ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn
and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send
them on their way.
PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
morning, simply move it all back again.
CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
DEPRESSED people Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',
simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving.
Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think
you are listening to the sea.
IMPOTENT men Don't waste money on expensive drugs like Viagra off the
internet. Just let your wife think you don't fancy her.
JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.
SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
occasionally glancing inside.
BOIL an egg to perfection without costly eggtimers by popping the egg
into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.
ALCOHOLICS Don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.
McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
WOMEN Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less
anyway, and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after
we've finished.
DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.
CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by going to the toilet before the film starts.
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
actually speaking clearly in the first place.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
with your old bank statements.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to
remove the stains.
SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.
MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to
yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set
one of their dogs on you.
EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
CVs into the bin.
MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save
your wife from having to do it.
GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending a ?50 note to yourself by Royal Mail.
BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
very small horse is approaching.
MEN Make sure that your lady always gets to sleep in the wet patch by
ejaculating into her side of the bed before she gets into it.
BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not
wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
GRATED cheddar cheese from the supermarket can be squashed tightly
together with the fingers to produce a block of cheese, ready for
slicing or grating.
ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn
and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send
them on their way.
PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
morning, simply move it all back again.
CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
DEPRESSED people Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',
simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving.
Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think
you are listening to the sea.
IMPOTENT men Don't waste money on expensive drugs like Viagra off the
internet. Just let your wife think you don't fancy her.
JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.
SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
occasionally glancing inside.
BOIL an egg to perfection without costly eggtimers by popping the egg
into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.
ALCOHOLICS Don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.
McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
WOMEN Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less
anyway, and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after
we've finished.
Dear multi lingualers !
At last we can throw away our dictionaries and abandon our o-level
language skills ENGLISH HAS BEEN CHOSEN TO LEAD EUROPE !
read the good news below
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always bin a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgraisful and it should go away.
By the 4th yir piple wil be reseptiv to steps such as replaising
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
containing "ou" and af-ter ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl
riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it izi tu
understand ich oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yier, ve vil al be spiking German like zey vunted
in Ze forst plais.
At last we can throw away our dictionaries and abandon our o-level
language skills ENGLISH HAS BEEN CHOSEN TO LEAD EUROPE !
read the good news below
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always bin a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgraisful and it should go away.
By the 4th yir piple wil be reseptiv to steps such as replaising
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
containing "ou" and af-ter ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl
riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it izi tu
understand ich oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yier, ve vil al be spiking German like zey vunted
in Ze forst plais.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch private, 3-pound left testicle, 3-pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20-inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around'!"
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20-inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around'!"
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter what he does sexually, the wife never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and made the following suggestion:
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay," he says to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice.
The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay," he says to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice.
The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
Per Angusta In Augusta.
-----------------------------------------------
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www.hamandbacon.co.th
-----------------------------------------------
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www.hamandbacon.co.th
-
Guess
- Deceased
- Posts: 3470
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:01 pm
- Location: BangSaphan. Laurasia. Sub thumb
Dave the scouser is touring the US on holiday and stops in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He’s chatting to the bartender when he spies an old Indian sitting in the corner - complete with full tribal gear, long white plaits and wrinkled face. Who's he?’asks Dave.'That's the Memory Man,’says the bartender.'He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out.’So Dave wanders over, and thinking he won't know about English football, asks:'> Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?> ' Liverpool,’ replies the Memory Man, instantly. The tourist is amazed.'Who did they beat?' ‘Leeds,’comes the reply - again, quick as a flash.' And the score?’The wise brave does not hesitate:'> Two-one.’Thinking that details may fox him, Dave tries something more specific.'> Who scored the winning goal?' he asks. The Red Indian doesn’t even blink:'> Ian St John.’The Liverpudlian is flabbergasted and, returning home, he regales his relatives and friends with his tale. But it’s not enough - and soon he’s determined to return and pay his respects to this amazing man. Ten years later he’s saved enough money, and returns to the US. After weeks of searching through the towns of Nevada, Dave finds the Memory Man in a cave in the mountains - older, more wrinkled, resplendent in his war paint and headdress. Humbled by this vision, the scouser steps forward, bows and greets the brave in the traditional native tongue:' How.’The Memory Man squints at him.' Diving header in the six-yard box,’he says.
[color=blue][size=134]Care in the community success story.[/size][/color]
-
Guess
- Deceased
- Posts: 3470
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:01 pm
- Location: BangSaphan. Laurasia. Sub thumb
QUESTIONS TO PONDER OVER
1-What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?
2-What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3-What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4-What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5-Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?
6-What does a dog do that you can step into?
7-What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
8-What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9-What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (grit)
1-What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?
2-What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3-What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4-What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5-Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?
6-What does a dog do that you can step into?
7-What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
8-What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9-What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (grit)
[color=blue][size=134]Care in the community success story.[/size][/color]
A German guy approaches a prostitute.
"I vish to buy sex viz you."
" OK," says the girl, "I'll charge ?20 an hour."
"..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do little kinky." So off they
go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees."
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had
said, to her hands and knees.
"Now you vill get on your hans und knees."
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She
finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the
energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. T he climax is
the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say:
"That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?"
"Ah," says the German .. . . "zat is ze.......
Four-sprung Duck Technique."
"I vish to buy sex viz you."
" OK," says the girl, "I'll charge ?20 an hour."
"..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do little kinky." So off they
go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees."
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had
said, to her hands and knees.
"Now you vill get on your hans und knees."
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She
finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the
energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. T he climax is
the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say:
"That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?"
"Ah," says the German .. . . "zat is ze.......
Four-sprung Duck Technique."
Per Angusta In Augusta.
-----------------------------------------------
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The Tourettes Pianist
An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon.
Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window "Pianist wanted for evening performances'"
"F*cking get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
"Get the f*cking manager of this pigs' sh*t middle class w*nkhole please you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs.
'Can I help you sir?' he says.
'Yes you can, you fat piece of sh*t", says the pianist, "I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting window and I'm here to audition......w*nker.' The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me Prime Minister, but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*nt's blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another, something a little less "lively".'
'F*cking w*nker.' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager, through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t box you get cr*p on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice f*cking jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not?'
On his first night everything is going superbly, the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard-on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.
'Hi' she says.
'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c*ck is hanging out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I f*cking wrote the c*nt!!!'
Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window "Pianist wanted for evening performances'"
"F*cking get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
"Get the f*cking manager of this pigs' sh*t middle class w*nkhole please you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs.
'Can I help you sir?' he says.
'Yes you can, you fat piece of sh*t", says the pianist, "I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting window and I'm here to audition......w*nker.' The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me Prime Minister, but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*nt's blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another, something a little less "lively".'
'F*cking w*nker.' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager, through his salty teardrops asks him the title. 'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t box you get cr*p on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice f*cking jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not?'
On his first night everything is going superbly, the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard-on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.
'Hi' she says.
'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c*ck is hanging out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I f*cking wrote the c*nt!!!'
From the best Mr Tommy Cooper.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid the
other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local
swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for
the next 2 years
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony
was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc
says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my
backside
"How's that?"
"Don't you start"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idea .
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and aid
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my
house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and
he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a
second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went
into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said I careered off the road.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give
me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go
for it.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round." The other
one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste
funny to you?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They
left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that
was nice."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in
a long time " The man replied "I know, I've been ill"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several
places"
The doctor said "well don't go there any more"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid the
other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local
swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for
the next 2 years
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony
was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc
says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my
backside
"How's that?"
"Don't you start"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idea .
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and aid
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my
house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and
he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a
second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went
into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said I careered off the road.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give
me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go
for it.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round." The other
one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste
funny to you?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They
left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that
was nice."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in
a long time " The man replied "I know, I've been ill"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several
places"
The doctor said "well don't go there any more"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Subject: Gordon Strachan, football manager and comic genius!
On Wayne Rooney...
"It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to
get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."
>> > Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
>> > Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]
Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough
were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there.
>> >
>> >
Reporter: "Gordon, what will you take from today?"
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a Yoghurt to finish, the expiry date is today.
>> >
>> > Reporter: There goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
>> > Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go
home, Become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.
>> > Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
>> > Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round
here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.
>> >
>> > Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
>> > Strachan: No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless.
>> > Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
>> > Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.
>> >
>> >
>> > Reporter: "What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?"
>> > Strachan: "I don't do impressions"
>> >
>> >
>> > Reporter: So Gordon, any changes then?
>> > Strachan: Naw, still 5ft 6, ginger and a big nose!
>> >
>> >
>> > Gary Lineker: So Gordon, if you were English, what formation
>>would you
>> > play?
>> > Strachan: If I was English I'd top myself!
>> >
On Wayne Rooney...
"It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to
get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."
>> > Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
>> > Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]
Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough
were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there.
>> >
>> >
Reporter: "Gordon, what will you take from today?"
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a Yoghurt to finish, the expiry date is today.
>> >
>> > Reporter: There goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
>> > Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go
home, Become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.
>> > Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
>> > Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round
here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.
>> >
>> > Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
>> > Strachan: No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless.
>> > Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
>> > Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.
>> >
>> >
>> > Reporter: "What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?"
>> > Strachan: "I don't do impressions"
>> >
>> >
>> > Reporter: So Gordon, any changes then?
>> > Strachan: Naw, still 5ft 6, ginger and a big nose!
>> >
>> >
>> > Gary Lineker: So Gordon, if you were English, what formation
>>would you
>> > play?
>> > Strachan: If I was English I'd top myself!
>> >
Peter Kay Questions
1 why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?
2 why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they
know there is not enough?
3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal
injection?
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when
you throw a gun at him?
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
10 What is the speed of darkness?
11 Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal"
people At The Special Olympics?
12 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
13 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be
twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
14 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
15 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the
others doing here?
16 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it
only seem longer?
17 If someone with a split personality threatens to commit
suicide, is it a hostage situation?
18 Can you cry under water?
19 What level of importance must a person have, before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
20 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?
21 Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
22 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out
it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
23 Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when
babies wake up, like, every two hours?
24 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
hearing?
25 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
26 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or
Close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're
still going to see you naked anyway.
batteries are flat?
2 why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they
know there is not enough?
3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal
injection?
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when
you throw a gun at him?
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
10 What is the speed of darkness?
11 Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal"
people At The Special Olympics?
12 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
13 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be
twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
14 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
15 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the
others doing here?
16 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it
only seem longer?
17 If someone with a split personality threatens to commit
suicide, is it a hostage situation?
18 Can you cry under water?
19 What level of importance must a person have, before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
20 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?
21 Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
22 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out
it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
23 Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when
babies wake up, like, every two hours?
24 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
hearing?
25 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
26 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or
Close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're
still going to see you naked anyway.