POLL: Who is the Boss in Your House?

[sargeant]

You are not married Mr P so your relationship of 7 years is hardly traditional is it.

[sand_dancer]

Mr Plum

The danger with a traditional relationship is when your unsophisticated village girl starts to see how the modern miss lives and comes to envy it. She receives a new 'education' from other wives or girlfriends, the media or their foreign partners.

My 1 and only wife..... UK born and bred..... When we married.... Her knowledge of the Armed Forces would come under the bracket " unsophisticated village girl "......

Within 10 years she thought she was the RSM...... Time to pack your kitbag darling and hit the highway.....So your analogy applies equally well for Westerners....

I was married to an American retail professional for 14 years, steeped in management BS, perfectionism and assertiveness training, who had read the 'How To' book on marriage and her expectations were totally unrealistic and impossible for me to meet. I should have walked out after a week but having been told by 'cultural norms' and 'How To' books that traditional relationships were 'old-fashioned', coupled with a Taurean stubbornness not to fail, I toughed it out.

So..... What you are really saying..... Is that after 14 years of being thoroughly dominated..... You came to Thailand for some role reversal.......

I should have walked out after a week but having been told by 'cultural norms' and 'How To' books that traditional relationships were 'old-fashioned',

Cultural Norms and Religion..... Nothing more than crap to keep the masses in line......

[hhfarang]

MrP, if you ever tire of living in Thailand you may enjoy life in a Taliban controlled village in the area shared by Afghanistan and Pakistan. I understand the the males there definitely have the traditionally dominant role...

[kendo]

Mods my Harry Enfield YouTube clip worked until I logged in then disapeared any ideas or shall we turn it into a conspiracy

I'm the one who transformed it into it's current format. I've just checked it here and can see nothing wrong. Incidentally, I'm using a bastardised version of the link that you originally provided. If it doesn't work, you might want to try your original link to see if that still works. Try it again, and let me know if it's still a problem.

Since I logged in it's vanished don't quite understand that as it worked before, can you repost it please.
Kendo.

[Mod Edit] Don't know why you can't see it. Can you see it here?
[/quote


Nope god knows, but I have just done an update on my phone to IOS7.
Kendo .

[buksida]

You're using youtu.be for links - this wont work - you need youtube.com

[kendo]

http://youtu.be/LS37SNYjg8w

[sand_dancer]

MrP, if you ever tire of living in Thailand you may enjoy life in a Taliban controlled village in the area shared by Afghanistan and Pakistan. I understand the the males there definitely have the traditionally dominant role...

Where they definitely just love to participate in Manlove Thursday's.....

Which should help anyone..... Who may have sexual / masculinity issues......

[sargeant]

Well bugger this for a lark where do i go i have been a lesbian all my life

[Don East Stand]

I've been following this thread and have found it both interesting and amusing.

There appears to be quite a bit of polarisation taking place, either you have to fit into the "He man" image or the little subservient mouse.

Whilst it is a forum and it's good to read different points of view, personally I don't agree with a lot of the generalisations, and trying to shoe horn people into categories, or boxes.

Surely the important point is that BOTH people in the relationship are happy with their "role" whatever that may be?

By the way, my wife of 38 years (I was a child groom ) has kindly given me permission to post this. Only joking, I told her that I was posting this, ..... just as soon as I'd done the dishes!

[MrPlum]

So..... What you are really saying..... Is that after 14 years of being thoroughly dominated.....

No...... I....... Am....... Saying..... it........ was....... my............. refusal......... to........ be........ dominated......... that........... created........ conflict.

Stick to join-the-dots. Harry Enfield is funnier.

There is a real problem with western women being inculcated with feminist ideology. If you haven't encountered it, you don't know what I'm talking about. They do not make good wives and many men are rejecting them.

I was surprised, when dating what I thought was a fabulous catch, in Russia... beautiful, educated, with an accent that would melt stone... to hear her say that Russian men do not like educated women. They are 'too much trouble'. hhfarang may have a point. However, there is no need to go to Afghanistan. Asia is warmer and the women of Thailand and the Philippines fit the bill admirably for those many thousands of men looking outside Europe for brides. Clearly the 'macho' men on here, don't realize why they chose the 'submissive' lady they did.

It doesn't need an in-depth, scientific look to see why western men choose Thai partners and reject their own. In the marriage market-place Thai women's femininity and home-caring abilities are appreciated. If irresponsible Thai men don't appreciate them, then foreign husbands will.

The question, though, was who is the Boss?

It is entertaining to see men denying that power has anything to do with their relationships, when you have the obvious power, which has already been mentioned. MONEY. If a 'falang' gives all his money to his Thai bride, who thinks she has won the lottery, he has given away his power. I gave examples of this.

It is only relatively recently in terms of history that couples married for love. The husband/wife model has stood the test of time for thousands of years in every nation, until the corporate and political social engineers decided it wasn't the best way to make money or exercise control over society.

There appears to be quite a bit of polarisation taking place, either you have to fit into the "He man" image or the little subservient mouse.

Pay no attention. Such caricatures are just 'spoilers'.

I don't agree with a lot of the generalisations, and trying to shoe horn people into categories, or boxes.

I agree. Relationships are more complex and varied but there are identifiable trends or tendencies.

Surely the important point is that BOTH people in the relationship are happy with their "role" whatever that may be?

Agreed. Congratulations on such a long marriage. You are one of the fortunate ones if you haven't gone through the disaster of divorce.

[richard]

One factor that I'm surprised has not been mentioned is the 'Papa' label.

Many of you will know and have experienced the reverence paid to a girls Papa by a daughter. Without going into the Sigmund Freud issue regarding father and daughter it is a common thing for a girl to look upon her father as 'he who must be obeyed' regardless of whether he is a drunk, gambler or womaniser. Indeed, in village life all elders are treated with respect and waited on hand and foot.

I can relate to this based on my living for a lengthy spell in Isaan and concluding that my relationship was based on my replacing my girls late father.

In short. The men toil in the fields (some women do too) and then they drink, gamble and womanise while the mother and daughters wait on them. This surely rubs off and girls are led to believe their function in life is to produce children and wait on their menfolk so they expect to do the same for their new farang man.

In the end it all boils down to a cultural difference and it is sometimes difficult for them to comprehend a husband washing up, cooking or cleaning the house

I'm sure many of us oldies initially were shocked to be called 'Papa' thinking it was a polite way of saying 'dirty old man' whereas it means in many cases 'someone I respect as much as my father'

[Big Boy]

In short. The men toil in the fields (some women do too) and then they drink, gamble and womanise while the mother and daughters wait on them. This surely rubs off and girls are led to believe their function in life is to produce children and wait on their menfolk so they expect to do the same for their new farang man.

I'm sorry richard, I know village life will differ from village to village, but in the 4 villages I've experienced the women toil in the fields while the men sleep, drink, gamble and womanise. The elder women and some older kids look after the children.

[richard]

BB

I was being kind

[sargeant]

I have had to have a serious look at my relationship and after much pondering i have come to the conclusion that it is all based on time management and position

My time is taken up by lying on the settee watching TV (one of us must be up to date on the golf scores) i also have to drink all the tea and snacks that are placed in front of me (it would be very ungentlemanly to not do so) i then move the 3 paces to the computer after all someone has to answer the conundrums of life in a far of place (mind you after 30+ years of living Thai it seems like home) I also have found much to my displeasure i have to go to the toilet on my own
So you can see i just do not have time to dominate my partner when she strips the moto sigh down to its component parts and reassembles it, it takes a couple of hours
Her bricklaying is coming along fine (which reminds me i need to speak to her loudly because) she must do better when she is welding the pickup. I have just this minute been called to sign off on her tiling (i think i will tell her to take them of and start again (just to stop her getting ideas above her station)( in her own interests of course)
Also as i say position is important i cant see jack crap when i am lying on the settee and she cant do her menial tasks indoors or i cant hear the news

Life is a bitch innit

[Bristolian]

Life is a bitch innit

“Er indoors” was in the garden today doing womanly things, cutting trees, mowing the lawn, planting, harvesting, cutting the hedges etc, it was really hard for me to listen to the news, and to boot, lunch was late!! Then....I woke up....it was still 06:30....ah well, I can dream!!