Sadly, I suspect the answers were given by bored teachers rather than by students... 
Best of the Rest of the World
-
dtaai-maai
- Hero
- Posts: 14879
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 10:00 pm
- Location: UK, Robin Hood country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
I have now!:laugh: Sadly, I suspect the answers were given by bored teachers rather than by students...
Sadly, I suspect the answers were given by bored teachers rather than by students... This is the way
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes And said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?'
'Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock...
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes And said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?'
'Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock...
My brain is like an Internet browser; 12 tabs are open and 5 of them are not responding, there's a GIF playing in an endless loop,... and where is that annoying music coming from?
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Don't fart in Harrods.
A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond
Bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed
her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of
a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect
of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help
you today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman
somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of
this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going
to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"
A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond
Bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed
her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of
a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect
of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help
you today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman
somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of
this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going
to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"
RICHARD OF LOXLEY
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
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pharvey
- Moderator
- Posts: 15702
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:21 am
- Location: Sir Fynwy - God's Country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'
************
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!!'
**************
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
*******************
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
*****************
Q. What's a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
**********************************
Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
********************************
Paddy's chat up lines:
1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Everytime I think of you my nuts tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
********************
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!"
*********************************
An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!'
She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'
**********************************
Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
******************
Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn't even know they had mobile phones!'
*********************
Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'What's his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London !'
***************************
An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay.
Paddy drives past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick twats like you that give us Irish a bad name!
I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'
Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'
************
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!!'
**************
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
*******************
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
*****************
Q. What's a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
**********************************
Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
********************************
Paddy's chat up lines:
1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Everytime I think of you my nuts tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
********************
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!"
*********************************
An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!'
She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'
**********************************
Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
******************
Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn't even know they had mobile phones!'
*********************
Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'What's his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London !'
***************************
An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay.
Paddy drives past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick twats like you that give us Irish a bad name!
I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things" - Yma o Hyd.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Happy Easter everyone. 
Pete
1+2 = 3
Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even
begin to imagine how their mind is working....
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his
math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down
and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the
first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious
look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started
studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and
little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was
amazed. She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back
to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back
hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the
mother tried to understand what made all the
difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He
quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and
it the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked
at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an
'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She
went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it
the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his
head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books,
the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT
WAS IT?'
Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the
first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the
plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'
Pete 1+2 = 3
Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even
begin to imagine how their mind is working....
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his
math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down
and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the
first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious
look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started
studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and
little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was
amazed. She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back
to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back
hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the
mother tried to understand what made all the
difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He
quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and
it the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked
at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an
'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She
went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it
the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his
head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books,
the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT
WAS IT?'
Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the
first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the
plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'
Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. Source
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Wonderful English from Around the World
In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)
A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…
In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)
A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd 
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
I woke up this morning to the headline "Holland(e) Takes France!"
For a moment I thought WWIII had broken out in Europe...
For a moment I thought WWIII had broken out in Europe...
My brain is like an Internet browser; 12 tabs are open and 5 of them are not responding, there's a GIF playing in an endless loop,... and where is that annoying music coming from?
-
pharvey
- Moderator
- Posts: 15702
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:21 am
- Location: Sir Fynwy - God's Country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
A farmer named Bill was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Scotland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust..
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bill looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bill.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.
Then Bill says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of the European Parliament", says Bill.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep...
Now give me back my dog.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bill looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bill.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.
Then Bill says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of the European Parliament", says Bill.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep...
Now give me back my dog.
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things" - Yma o Hyd.
-
pharvey
- Moderator
- Posts: 15702
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:21 am
- Location: Sir Fynwy - God's Country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Didn't really know where to put this one, but as good a place as any I guess........ Bloody clever.... and a little weird!!
1. Stare at the red dot on the girl’s nose for 30 seconds.
2. Turn your eyes to a plain surface (your ceiling or blank wall).
3. Blink repeatedly and quickly.
2. Turn your eyes to a plain surface (your ceiling or blank wall).
3. Blink repeatedly and quickly.
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things" - Yma o Hyd.
-
pharvey
- Moderator
- Posts: 15702
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:21 am
- Location: Sir Fynwy - God's Country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
PAYBACK!!!
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things" - Yma o Hyd.
-
pharvey
- Moderator
- Posts: 15702
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:21 am
- Location: Sir Fynwy - God's Country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to the undoing of the fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to the undoing of the fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things" - Yma o Hyd.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Two Thai girls asked if I'd like to go to bed with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery.
I agreed and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror we had six matching balls
I agreed and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror we had six matching balls
RICHARD OF LOXLEY
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
-
Frank Hovis
- Legend
- Posts: 2081
- Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2010 11:47 pm
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
A female Russian weightlifter goes into the doctors and says...
"Doctor, I think I've taken too many steriods, I've grown a cock"
The doctor asks "Anabolic?"
The woman replies "No, just the cock"
"Doctor, I think I've taken too many steriods, I've grown a cock"
The doctor asks "Anabolic?"
The woman replies "No, just the cock"
-
Dannie Boy
- Hero
- Posts: 13760
- Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2010 8:12 pm
- Location: Closer to Cha Am than Hua Hin
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Richard, is this a joke or a recollection of a true accountrichard wrote:Two Thai girls asked if I'd like to go to bed with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery.
I agreed and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror we had six matching balls
-
pharvey
- Moderator
- Posts: 15702
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:21 am
- Location: Sir Fynwy - God's Country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Very apt.......
- Bank.JPG (32.97 KiB) Viewed 590 times
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things" - Yma o Hyd.