Understanding Thai females

[charlesh]

Richard a little too cold for Thai females. Perhaps Mercury with added chilli.
and just to digress I reckon the Sth Asian subcontinent is a training ground for Uranus!

[JAFO]

Hello, New to forum as I relocated down south some time back and came across this site. I found this post interesting.

In the end woman are woman. There is nothing new about that and it will never change.

But one thing is clear, you need to establish respectful boundaries. Living your life "Walking away quietly", "Walking away and lying low", "Saying your sorry to keep the peace" to accommodate her behavior or inability to understand a situation creates a bad home life which later creates resentment.

[TingTongJohn]

SO in ending I guess the question was more for insight then understanding. Maybe a word of wisdom to head off trouble. Some sort of devine comment that would make things clearer. Well the water may not be clearer but it seems many are swiming in it.

[margaretcarnes]

I think it's very simple - Thai women are volatile by nature. But in addition to that they don't cope with PMT very well. In fact not at all. I don't know any Thai woman who has sought help with PMT or the menopause - and don't even know if such help would be available to them.
They can be very scary indeed when they 'go off on one' - and the next day can be as right as rain.
The best thing any farang male with a Thai wife could do would be to make HRT available to his better half. Problem solved.

[Roel]

Firstly, although we are constantly aware of the completely different cultural background of our Thai partner, we often have no idea of the practical consequences. Family as the absolute epicentre of your life and the resulting - in our eyes often extreme - obligations. The enormous life long pressure from family, friends, colleagues, and others to behave like a (as the Thais say) "good child". Family ties and social pressure are in no way comparable with that of our modern Western society.

Secondly, hampered by a proper education it has become very hard for us to imagine what it's like going through life uneducated. Things that are straightforward, simple and logical to us can be complex, complicated and illogical to our Thai partner, easily leading to misunderstandings and frustrations on both sides.

Thirdly, hampered by a Thai upbringing it has become very hard for our Thai partner to imagine what it's like going through life being a non-Thai. Things that are straightforward, simple and logical to them can be complex, complicated and illogical to us, easily leading to misunderstandings and frustrations on both sides.

[JAFO]

Hampered by a proper education it has become very hard for us to imagine what it's like going through life uneducated. Things that are straightforward, simple and logical to us can be complex, complicated and illogical to our Thai partner, easily leading to misunderstandings and frustrations on both sides.

I think that is a very fair assessment for the general population. In my case my GF has a MBA in Health and Nutrition and has worked in the medical field as a dietitian for hospitals for the last 10 years. Our communication breakdowns have always been a simple case of translation when it all pans out. Early on I wanted to pull my friggen hair out primarily as I thought "this is just common sense" but as time passed we both took the time to explain before reacting. While she has reasonably good command of the English language, generally speaking, she does struggle at times to understand my thought process as it is very different then hers and far more progressive.

I also think a huge hurdle some suffer with is her age Vs her maturity Vs the mans age Vs the man maturity. I have met quite a few couples that have suffered tremendously with this equation.

I also agree with another poster that PMT is not even on the radar for women here. They are expected to deal with it and probably are confused as heck about why things are becoming different for them and some of us men know the symptoms(I know I sure do). I have shown my GF a few sites to read up on being she is 39 and most certainly will experience something in the years ahead.

[margaretcarnes]

I've had a couple of pm's about the PMT/HRT issue - it's good that you guys (JAFO included) are recognising the problems and wanting to help your ladies cope with it.
But I do think you are also right JAFO in that it is probably seen as simply 'nature' in the LOS. Something that women are expected to deal with as a natural progression in their lives - without complaining, and with maybe just a strange brew of cabbage tea or something to ease the problems.
Does that maybe help explain the old 'mia noi' tradition? Certainly many Thai women tend to consider themselves past it as soon as they hit 60, (or even less.) 'I old lady' you hear them say. It is as if they are programmed to believe that at a certain age their productive life and usefulness is over. Programmed to step back and let a new younger model take over, providing the first wife status is still retained. So living in a more modern monogamous relationship means that there is only one person there to take the flak!

[JAFO]

I believe you are spot on Margaret about women hitting their peak and are set aside but I think 60 is way to high. I have been in many discussions with Thai folks over the last 5 years(Especially in the work setting) and the women here seem to have a pre set path and timeline. The general consensus is by 30 they are pretty much washed up(or believe they are). I have been told on numerous occasions that women here are viewed as undesirable after 35. On a tangent a bit, but supporting the the fact, have you ever looked at job listings? They will say something like; Wanted woman, 21 to 25, single. no children with college education to work at front office etc etc. Same with men. Most jobs specifically request people under 30. So it appears here that after 30 you become a "has been" to a great degree. Of course it is changing as western influences take hold. I however stand pat that this is not my culture to change. It will evolve at its own pace.

But back to the topic, I agree that woman are just dealing with the change here in the manner taught to them or witnessed and no matter how tough it may become they are taught to accept. I will never pretend to understand what the change may feel like, I just figured the best approach for me is to understand the symptoms, give my GF as much information I can so she understands and can do what she needs to do. Maybe it will work, maybe it wont. So far it has been excellent.

On a side note, I am from the US and I think women use the PMT excuse to play far to many games. It became the default excuse when they went off. They blamed the ailment for their poor behavior. It is all very manageable. That's what makes it palatable here as I think most want to genuinely understand it. My GF reads links I have sent her and is has commented that she has noticed some of the symptoms but was not sure why she felt the way she did. I am lucky in the fact she is in the medical field so she looks at it from a different POV then most I suspect.

[deepee]

Thanks for your valued input margretcarnes .It does help to get a bit of the ladies' view on this subject. Nicer if we could have some input from a Thai woman's perspective seeing they are the focus of this topic. Any takers??- please.

[zingerhk]

So many books written on this, so many posts on different forums, and never have I read something I can understand.

I think the gap is too wide.

[Pleng]

I don't understand Thai females
I don't understand Farrang females
I don't understand my male friends

I don't even understand myself a lot of the time; what hope do I have of understanding anybody else? I found life became a lot easier when I stopped trying to answer the unanswerable.

[HHADFan]

Actually, after 4.5 years, I usually sort of understand my gf. She can be a pain in the ass, as can I, but one good thing about her - she never 'goes off', and she's certainly had reasons to over the years. Either I'm incredibly lucky or someday...

[hhfarang]

^ She's storing it up... one day she'll go nuclear!

[HHADFan]

^ She's storing it up... one day she'll go nuclear!

That's what scares me!

[SunandFun]

My Nuclear Defense System: "Yes Dear, anything you say." or "Of course I am wrong, what was I thinking." "By the way, have you lost weight again?" But I still keep a secure bunker to revert to.