POLL: Who is the Boss in Your House?

[Ratsima]

We both recognize that each of us has unique skills, knowledge and abilities. We rarely have difficulty reaching a consensus.

She's definitely more conservative than I when it comes to purchasing and spending, so I've learned to temper my materialistic desires. She's leaned to give in when something is obviously important to me.

When it comes to matters of judgement, she's the cooler head, so, when in doubt, I defer.

[Vital Spark]

I guess our relationship might be a bit different because we don't have a cultural difference. Mr.VS and I swap trousers, depending on the situation. His strengths are my weaknesses (and visa versa). It lends itself to a pretty balanced relationship, and we don't argue over who's going to do the cooking . We earn the same salary, both work full-time, so there are no arguments over finances (which can be a relationship killer).

He's an early bird, and I'm a night owl - so we have our 'own' time, which I think is hugely important.

However, each to their own. Some men love being dominated by a woman, and some like to be the dominant partner. As long as the love of your life fits in with your idea of paradise (and the other is happy with that), then it's not for anyone to say it's wrong.

VS

[Dannie Boy]

I guess our relationship might be a bit different because we don't have a cultural difference. Mr.VS and I swap trousers, depending on the situation. His strengths are my weaknesses (and visa versa). It lends itself to a pretty balanced relationship, and we don't argue over who's going to do the cooking . We earn the same salary, both work full-time, so there are no arguments over finances (which can be a relationship killer).

He's an early bird, and I'm a night owl - so we have our 'own' time, which I think is hugely important.

However, each to their own. Some men love being dominated by a woman, and some like to be the dominant partner. As long as the love of your life fits in with your idea of paradise (and the other is happy with that), then it's not for anyone to say it's wrong.

VS

Just about the most sensible comment on this thread

[richard]

And of course from a woman (a member of the superior gender)

VS

[twiggy]

And of course from a woman (a member of the superior gender)

VS

And of course the hole poll is a joke. Got little upset, before I understood that. Maybe TS want to annoy us few women to be more active. Not a bad joke, made me laugh, some of the answer are quite amusing.

twiggy

[Vital Spark]

Twiggy: It's good to have input from another female, and don't get too annoyed about what the boys post on here. They're mostly pussy cats (in the nicest possible way) and Mr. Plum's poll is quite interesting.

Thank you for my extremely bold initials, Richard. I do, however, need to correct a teensy error. Personally speaking, I don't feel superior. Neither do I think that males are superior. We've been 'designed' to complement each other for survival of the species. But, hey, if you want to worship us, we won't complain.

VS

[huahin4ever]

Well, in our relationship it's quite easy. She is the boss in the house in Thailand, I'm the boss in my house in my native country.

[MrPlum]

I don't see how the poll is a 'joke'.

In the 'West' we have had a decade of the portrayal of women, in the media, as 'kicking men's ass'. Countless movies and newspapers spew this message. Men are weak, women are strong. Or women 'do not need men any more'. The nurturing of aggressive, assertive women who have been programmed to believe the husband is there to satisfy her needs. In the U.S. it's a bit of a cliche that women ask, not 'How are you?' but 'What do you do?'

When I see apparent evidence of the same here with 'She who MUST be obeyed' (which apparently means 'I was just kidding'), then it is worth asking whether this role change has reached Asia yet.

One of my first posts here mentioned me attempting to go into the kitchen to prepare a meal. I was greeted with 'Man not do'. Then I tried to take out the rubbish. 'Man not do'. A few 'Man not dos' and you figure out quickly who does what.

With a western divorce rate at 50% and the rest trapped in misery, it's a rare couple that is happy today with marriages lasting 30+ years. One reason for that is that husband and wife have been turned against each other. Women 'empowered', men 'emasculated'. Whether by feminism, or the courts. I don't see how anyone can see this an an 'advance', when you look at the wreckage. More stable societies still have the glue that binds communities together. Strong family and clear husband/wife roles. I'm speaking in general terms.

Thailand is a paternalistic society. The male is elevated, whether he deserves it or not. This culture offers you the opportunity to abandon your conditioning and adopt a more traditional way. Strong family, strong male role. Less aggressive wife. No need to constantly fight the battle of the sexes.

If foreigners come here and stay set in their ways, that submissive young female they have fallen for, who treats them with respect and diligently clips their nasal hair, will gradually turn into the 'monster' they left back home.

If that happens, it won't be her fault. But yours.

[migrant]

Mostly Mrs migrant picks the restaurants since she is a picky eater. I learned from too many

(her)"Where do you want to eat tonight honey, I always pick, you pick tonight"
(me) " OK how about italian"
(her) "Japanese would taste good"
(me) "OK Japanese
(her) "No, you pick"
(me) "OK maybe Mexican"
(her) "How about Pho, or Japanese"
(me) "OK"

Most the rest of the time she defers to me.
She works and her money is hers though so I don't control any of that, saying that though she often buys groceries, items for the house, etc.

[sargeant]

In the 'West' we have had a decade of the portrayal of women, in the media, as 'kicking men's ass'. Countless movies and newspapers spew this message. Men are weak, women are strong. Or women 'do not need men any more'. The nurturing of aggressive, assertive women who have been programmed to believe the husband is there to satisfy her needs. In the U.S. it's a bit of a cliche that women ask, not 'How are you?' but 'What do you do?'

Up to a point i can agree mind you its since the sixties not a mere decade you were still a baby then so i will forgive you for not having the experience

When I see apparent evidence of the same here with 'She who MUST be obeyed' (which apparently means 'I was just kidding'), then it is worth asking whether this role change has reached Asia yet.

That is not evidence of anything it is an endearment but i understand to someone with nil nana sense of humour why you might see it that way. My wife has many endearments for me ranging from sackapus, bagachit, wanger and asshole. Guess where she got those words from. Its just her way of telling me she loves me

Then I tried to take out the rubbish. 'Man not do'

So she does tell you what you can do and cannot do seems to me from what i am reading she wears the trousers because i would take the rubbish out anyway

With a western divorce rate at 50% and the rest trapped in misery,

Thais do NOT in general get legally married yes they have all the rigmarole but dont go to the Amphur to register it so the 50% divorce rate in the west cannot be compared its just meaningless numbers.

Thailand is a paternalistic society. The male is elevated, whether he deserves it or not.

yes the normal trotted out rubbish this country is a matriarchal society agreed the wife is a lower person to the male but trust me his MOTHER will rip him a new orifice at any time he steps out of line. Wives also come in different categories those that have given the male a son and those that havent and it is the MOTHER that annoints the wife with her grandson and keeps the male in line.

that submissive young female they have fallen for

The word submissive speaks more about your macho ego than the girl.
From day one with my wife i realized she had a severe lack of self confidence i encouraged her to go back to university and get her degree. Against all her family and friends advice to drop legal action when she was ripped off for 520,000 Bt i insisted she go to court she did and she won. You see Mr P i dont need to be macho and i dont want to live with a slave or a mouse. I spend every day increasing her confidence in HER OWN ABILITIES

And it repays in huge dividends

[buksida]

Lets keep the personal attacks out of this thread before it turns to anarchy can we? Just for once? Pleeeaaasseeeee?

[dtaai-maai]

I don't see how the poll is a 'joke'.

No, but it's not exactly a piece of in-depth scientific research either. You obviously don't expect everyone to agree with you, so you can hardly be surprised if you get a dissenting comment or two from intelligent, independent women who chance across this thread.

When I see apparent evidence of the same here with 'She who MUST be obeyed' (which apparently means 'I was just kidding'), then it is worth asking whether this role change has reached Asia yet.

If you honestly believe that terms like "SWMBO" and "the Long-Haired General" are literal reflections of the situations of the men who use them, then presumably you applaud those who use "'Er Indoors" and "the Little Woman".

The poll may not be a joke, but it did appear to be a light-hearted bit of fun, and has been treated as such by most posters. At least until the OP decided to turn it into yet another rant against the evils of the western world (which now appear to include non-submissive women).

[sargeant]

Twiggy
could you enlighten this thick as a plank old man what TS stands for

[MrPlum]

As usual the QC Inspector isn't satisfied. Of course the poll is unscientific.

The western divorce rate does not lie and there are clear differences in approaches to relationships in different countries. Here, at least in my own experience, the roles are also more clearly defined, with the man the head of the household, irrespective of whether the woman takes out the trash. If both partners are working then obviously it becomes less clear-cut.

Thai women often mention how much better western males are compared to Thai men. As providers and attentive partners. We aren't, (in the main) as prone to gambling, womanizing, getting sloshed, beating our wives and sending them out to beer bars to earn money. But then we are better educated and aren't dirt poor.

The question is, basically, have you come to Thailand and adopted the same role with your Thai partner as you had with your western wife or girlfriend? In my observation, some men have. Whether that is a good thing or not could make a decent topic for discussion.

Instead of coming back and criticizing my motives, etc.. and whether I should dress to the left or the right. Just chuffing get on with it. These never-ending personal attacks from the cheap seats are tedious.

[dtaai-maai]

Personal attack???