Paying a bar for a girl to leave

[BaaBaa.]

Fair enough, it sounds like her ex boss is putting pressure on to me, related by any chance?

[GLCQuantum]

Not sure if the pressure is being put on her by the ex boss because I am coming back in 2 days.

Really don't want to sound rude or presumptuous but, what pressure is there if she's no longer working there and hasn't been in touch with the owner for a few months? How can the owner apply any pressure at all? Why are the even in contact - she left already right?

[Lee1975]

No I dont think so mate, She was only working bar 6 months, she said she used to work in the smae shop before she got to Hua Hin. Her friends talked her into working bar but she did not like it. SO she went back to her old job on her own accord, this is why I am asking this, it's not as if I took her out myself! Although I did want her to stop but it took her 2 months to get out. She say she is happy and that she lives comfortably where she is now. It's just pissed me off a little bit that this has come about 2 days before i get there!

GLC, I agree with you but she see her friends today who still work there and the boss asked her if I was going to pay money for her leaving. So I am wondering if the pressure is being put on her because just one day she upped and left.

[BaaBaa.]

Refuse then, you'll soon find out. Good luck.

[GLCQuantum]

^ Possibly...

It's a tough call to say the least. Without knowing the girl, judging the sincerity and being laced in your shoes.. it's a difficult shout.

When you come here, go with your gut feeling. If you feel something's not quite right you're probably best to distance yourself. Let us know how it plays out all the same and good luck.

[Lee1975]

Cheers guys, thanks for the advice. It's 6000 Bht by the way if anyone wants to know for future reference. As I have not gone down this route before, is this the std rate haha

[kendo]

Why don't you tell her you can't fly out for another ten days then don a baseball cap and shades and be covert, if she is wronging you you will find out job done.

If she is genuine she would walk away maybe loose a little face but if she is sincere then..............

Tell her your no mug. but please allow for language barrier.

Kendo.

[Korkenzieher]

Sorry to add to the negatives, but I am going to.
If she left the bar, what is the purpose of paying to buy her out of it?
It seriously doesn't add up.

Along with others, I would suggest caution. The amount itself isn't a lot, but it does suggest she still sees you as a customer.

Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear.

[Nereus]

The only experience I have is living here for near on 25 years.

Do not overlook the fact that a lot of the girls still have the mind of a child. It may well be that she has absolutely no idea what the implications are. She may just be following along what ever she has been told, by whoever.

[advocate]

That she is still hanging out at that bar should be a warning to you. The fact that her loyalties still lie with the bar rather than you is not a good sign.

Sounds like she is hedging her bets and trying to keep a foot in both doors. She has likely been told she needs to pay the 6,000 Bt if she ever wants to work there again.

An empty threat really. While there is no shortage of girls willing to work bar, the best looking girls are not so easy to find or keep.

[centermid7]

Some of her friends or her family have her ear and are telling her what to do and/or say.

Don't pay "them" a dime but all the while keep smiling. "Mee dia" or "no thank you" will be your words to live by when this comes up.

Money sure does stink things up here in Thailand. Other places too but it's sure on the front burner here.

I too will be looking for your full report. Good luck!

[Terry]

Like Nereus, I have only known Thailand a short while - in my case, 20 years.

I've seen many a farang get separated from his wallet by bar girls - current & ex.
The extended family in Thailand is also a good money drainer.

The newspapers are rife with stories all of the time, of deception thieving etc etc. I would say that some of the farangs may well deserve what they get.

However, I can only offer you one piece of advice.

Tell her that you will take care of her, and her mother and father if necessary - like any good husband or son-in-law would be expected to do.

The bar, brothers & sisters, sick aunts, busted bikes, injured buffaloes, new temples, best friends etc etc can all go to hell.

You are not being a cheap charlie and you are not an ATM

You will then see if she loves YOU or your wallet.

[advocate]

Like Nereus, I have only known Thailand a short while - in my case, 20 years.

I've seen many a farang get separated from his wallet by bar girls - current & ex.
The extended family in Thailand is also a good money drainer.

The newspapers are rife with stories all of the time, of deception thieving etc etc. I would say that some of the farangs may well deserve what they get.

However, I can only offer you one piece of advice.

Tell her that you will take care of her, and her mother and father if necessary - like any good husband or son-in-law would be expected to do.

The bar, brothers & sisters, sick aunts, busted bikes, injured buffaloes, new temples, best friends etc etc can all go to hell.

You are not being a cheap charlie and you are not an ATM

You will then see if she loves YOU or your wallet.

Wise words. But even the parents can be used as an excuse to extract money from the unsuspecting falang. At most, parents in the north need only a few thousand Bt per month to live comfortably in that lifestyle. Forget building them a new house.

Keep all property in your name. Buy all vehicles in your name. Don't buy a business and put it in her name. Don't buy her gold. If she is living with you, and you pay all the bills, a small allownace is all she should get. Enough for her to buy a bit of food, and keep her in fuel and clothes.

Her bar girl friends are predators and will offer her no end of advice on how to separate you from your money. The less she sees of them the better.

[BingoBango]

please keep us updated as events pan out, and be honest, i could do with a laugh, the best way to gauge the entire situation is to watch the face your girlfriend pulls when the shit hits the fan and see if she makes you feel like the outsider in the situation. If she does not feel like your supportive partner as it kicks off then drink up and move on.

I would go in for a drink with her and broach the subject with the owner, tell him you have just paid 30000 baht to fly over plus hotel, time off work etc and that you will frequent the bar whilst on your holiday, if he comes the asshole and doesnt want to understand your position, tell him to whistle.

If your girlfriend is going to be of any use to you in the future she will jump into gear and take your side, she may lose face but your relationship will benefit, then take her out for a good night and tell her how that you have come 7000 miles on your own to better both of your lives.

Dont let her know that you have had your mates spying on her though, this will make her feel lower than any of her previous punters have.

[Lee1975]

Dont let her know that you have had your mates spying on her though, this will make her feel lower than any of her previous punters have.

You really think I'm gonna tell her that??
But I will do what you said, I will sit her down and tell her that I have sent her money the last couple of months, have spent a lot of money on flights etc etc, then i will also sit down with the bar owner and listen to what bullshit he has to say. I have slept on it and I am not going to give the bar one single Bht, will not even drink in there again if he insists on asking for 6000Bht. I have spent a lot of money in that bar over the years and for them to try and get more out of me for a girl that left on her own accord, well they can go and take a running jump as far as I'm concerned. I am not one to part with my money easily, hence the reason I have done some investigating on her new work. And if she gets the arse, or insists I have to pay, then I will know where her loyalties lie. As someone earlier said, if she is more concerned about the bar getting the money than me parting with it, then she doesn't have my best interests at heart.

Thanks again for the advice from everyone, I will approach with caution and I will keep you updated. Even if BingoBango wants to laugh about it