You know you've been in Thailand too long when...

[hhfarang]

Sadly, I can relate to way too many of these; feel free to add your own...

You know you've been in Thailand too long when:

You think it’s normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m.

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATMs.

You put salt and chilli on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

You can’t remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

Someone tells you that watching Thai politics is like watching two chameleons making love and you understand the analogy.

You aren’t upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the beetles.

You haven’t had a solid stool for five years.

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

You understand when your Thai wife says, ‘My friend you’ or ‘Same, same, but different.’

A Thai bar girl you’ve just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

You realize that your Thai wife’s loyalties belong to
1. Her parents.
2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her.
3. Any remaining blood relatives.
4. The family buffalo.
5. The family’s goldfish.
6. You.

The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you’re not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror.

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory.

You start wearing slippers everywhere

You start driving cars barefeet

You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of videotapes.

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewelery

Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet.

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

It’s two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside.

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter ‘S’. Sanuk (Fun), Saduak (convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay (pretty).

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay.

You think a calendar more useful than a watch.

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out.

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

[Randy Cornhole]

You can't remember the last time you had a dry fart.

You think putting ice in red wine is normal.

You phone home and talk like a spastic.

You don't care or know what day of the week it is.

You think 15kb's of upload speed is quite fast.

You begin to think you actually are a 'Hansum Man'.

You automatically without thinking swear in Thai.

You have a Thai nickname.

Lao Khao just dosen't do it for you any more.

Neither does Viagra.

You own a CD compilation with Crazy Frog on.

[margaretcarnes]

Oooh yes. I still look 4 ways before crossing the road in the UK. It's a hard habit to break.
Made ice cubes to go with my festive Baileys as well. Doesn't everyone?

Try to catch my January Observer page BTW (no plug intended) which with hindsight should have been entitled 'you know you've been in Thailand too long when a plastic bag is a fashion accessory'

Even had doubts last month about throwing out an old metal dustbin lid - well - you never know when the next eclipse is going to be!

[richard]

you dont have a problem kissing a ladyboy on the cheek

you sit in a bar in Bangkok surrounded by naked girls and porn on the big screen and you just want to watch the golf on the small screen in the corner

you avoid walking under fruit laden coconut palms

you avoid looking into a girls eyes longer than 3 seconds

your hotel lets you in accompanied by 2 or 3 girls

you know where to buy booze on officially shut holidays

you realise your whisky and soda is rum based

you accept 5 on a motorbike with shopping is normal

you accept builders clambering up bamboo scaffolding with no boots or helmets

you count the number of passengers embarking on a ferry

you automatically get chinese tea to accompany your coffee

pedestrian crossings mean nothing

nothing surprises you and things are not always what they seem

you realise Thai logic does not tally with Western logic

The list is endless

[margaretcarnes]

To be fair pedestrian crossings are so easily mistaken for F1 starting grids.

[sargeant]

When it starts to make sense

[elem]

When you start saying 'Oh My Buddha' just about anything..

[Randy Cornhole]

I do that... Oh my Buddha!!!

[margaretcarnes]

Thank Buddha I'm not the only one who says that in this Buddha forsaken freezing/snowy climate some of us are stuck with at the mo!
Back to work Monday and the 'oh my Buddhas' will no doubt fly - thankfully no-one bats an eyelid now

[Spitfire]

- You agree that your mother-in-law's dog is cold in December and buy it a jacket from Tesco.
- You find yourself in a bar doing social services and talking with the western lunatic who just barged in on your night out.
- You automatically tip when the service is lazy and crap.
- It's acceptable to buy stuff that fails to work after 5 minutes of use and just go buy another brand.
- Driving a bike around which has no working lights.
- Start driving the wrong way down the road with your hazard lights on to make it OK.
- Get moved along by the som tam lady for drinking too much beer at one of her tables and failing to order any food.
- Start saying "Ooooooooeeeeee!!!" when surprised/shocked or offended.
- Start taking your dog with you on your motorbike.

And many, many more........

[Frost]

I am definitely too long in this country...

This apply to me:

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.
You put salt and chilli on your fruit.
A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.
You can’t remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.
You aren’t upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.
You understand when your Thai (gig) says, ‘My friend you’ or ‘Same, same, but different.’
You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of videotapes.
When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.
You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.
You phone home and talk like a spastic.
You think 15kb's of upload speed is quite fast.
you sit in a bar in Bangkok surrounded by naked girls and porn on the big screen and you just want to watch the golf on the small screen in the corner.
you know where to buy booze on officially shut holidays.
you accept 5 on a motorbike with shopping is normal.
pedestrian crossings mean nothing.
- Start driving the wrong way down the road with your hazard lights on to make it OK.
- Start saying "Ooooooooeeeeee!!!" when surprised/shocked or offended.
- Start taking your dog with you on your motorbike.

[Randy Cornhole]

Start saying "Ooooooooeeeeee!!!" when surprised/shocked or offended.

Godammit thats me again...

[PeteC]

A musty old thread from the past.

When you start to enjoy watching Thai TV shows, Movies and News. I'm may be doomed.

[handdrummer]

A musty old thread from the past.

When you start to enjoy watching Thai TV shows, Movies and News. I'm may be doomed.

Even my Thai wife doesn't watch Thai TV shows and movies.