>
> A 6 year-old and 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom."You Know
> what?" says the 6 year-old. "I think it's about time we started
> cussing".
The 4 year-old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm
> gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'.
The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast,
He replies,"Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some
> Cheerios.
"WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles
> across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes
> out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
> She locks him in his room and shouts,"You can stay in there until I
> let you out."
She then comes back downstairs,
Looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
>
>
>
> "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be
> Cheerios.
Best of British
-
(buffalo) Bill
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- Posts: 802
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(buffalo) Bill
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- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
>
> Three Holy Men and a Bear
>
> A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains
> to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They
> would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
> shop.
>
> One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't
> really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
> One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They
> would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and
> attempt to convert it.
> seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
>
> Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had
> various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said,
> "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I
> began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted
> nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
> grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he
> became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give
> him first communion and confirmation."
>
> Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and
> both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
> In his
> best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW
> that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I
> began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
> nothing to do with me.
> So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one
> hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I
> quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you
> said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
> We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
>
> The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was
> lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs
> and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
> The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may
> not have been the best way to start."
> Three Holy Men and a Bear
>
> A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains
> to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They
> would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
> shop.
>
> One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't
> really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
> One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They
> would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and
> attempt to convert it.
> seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
>
> Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had
> various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said,
> "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I
> began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted
> nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
> grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he
> became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give
> him first communion and confirmation."
>
> Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and
> both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
> In his
> best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW
> that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I
> began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
> nothing to do with me.
> So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one
> hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I
> quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you
> said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
> We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
>
> The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was
> lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs
> and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
> The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may
> not have been the best way to start."
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
> The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman as
> well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb.
>
>
>
>
>
> She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day andsays, "So,
> Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration.
>
> "I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young
> as he used to be, and please my arthritis is acting up again."
"Don't worry about
> it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And
> a limousine will pick you up at your door."
"I don't know. Everybody will be so
> fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?" "Oh Mom" replies Susan,
> "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best
> designer in New York "
"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't
> eat the fancy foods that you and your friends like to eat."
The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry
> Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by t he best caterer in
> New York, kosher all the way.
> Please, Mom, I really want you to come."
So Mom
> reluctantly agrees and on January 21, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being
> sworn in as President of the United States.
In the front row sits the new
> president's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her.
"You see that woman over there
> with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States ?"
The Senator whispers back,
> "Yes, I do."
Says Mom proudly, "Her brother is a
> doctor."
> well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb.
>
>
>
>
>
> She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day andsays, "So,
> Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration.
>
> "I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young
> as he used to be, and please my arthritis is acting up again."
"Don't worry about
> it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And
> a limousine will pick you up at your door."
"I don't know. Everybody will be so
> fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?" "Oh Mom" replies Susan,
> "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best
> designer in New York "
"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't
> eat the fancy foods that you and your friends like to eat."
The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry
> Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by t he best caterer in
> New York, kosher all the way.
> Please, Mom, I really want you to come."
So Mom
> reluctantly agrees and on January 21, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being
> sworn in as President of the United States.
In the front row sits the new
> president's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her.
"You see that woman over there
> with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States ?"
The Senator whispers back,
> "Yes, I do."
Says Mom proudly, "Her brother is a
> doctor."
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
>
> A True Scot
>
>
>
> A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to
> the chemist.
>
>
>
> The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
> bandanna, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square, which he also
> unfolds to reveal a condom.
>
>
>
> The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up, and eyes it
> critically.
>
>
>
> "How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the pharmacist.
>
>
>
> "Six pence," says the pharmacist.
>
>
>
> "How much for a new one?"
>
>
>
> "Ten pence," says the pharmacist.
>
>
>
> The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton
> bandanna, places it in his sporran and marches out the door of the
> pharmacy, kilt swinging.
>
>
>
> A moment or two later the pharmacist hears a great shout go up,
> followed by an even greater shout.
>
>
>
> The Scot walks back into the pharmacy, and again speaks to the
> pharmacist.
>
>
>
> "The regiment has taken a vote," the Scot says.
> "We'll have a new one."
> A True Scot
>
>
>
> A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to
> the chemist.
>
>
>
> The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
> bandanna, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square, which he also
> unfolds to reveal a condom.
>
>
>
> The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up, and eyes it
> critically.
>
>
>
> "How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the pharmacist.
>
>
>
> "Six pence," says the pharmacist.
>
>
>
> "How much for a new one?"
>
>
>
> "Ten pence," says the pharmacist.
>
>
>
> The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton
> bandanna, places it in his sporran and marches out the door of the
> pharmacy, kilt swinging.
>
>
>
> A moment or two later the pharmacist hears a great shout go up,
> followed by an even greater shout.
>
>
>
> The Scot walks back into the pharmacy, and again speaks to the
> pharmacist.
>
>
>
> "The regiment has taken a vote," the Scot says.
> "We'll have a new one."
-
(buffalo) Bill
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- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
>
>
>
> A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
> section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
> wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
> The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
> sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered
> violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the
> man was still curious about the shuddering.
>
> A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before
> she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than
> before.
> Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, "I
> couldn't help but notice" he said, "that you've sneezed three times,
> wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
>
> "I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare
> medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
>
> The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never
> heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for
> it?"
>
> The woman nodded, "Black Pepper."
>
>
> A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
> section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
> wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
> The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
> sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered
> violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the
> man was still curious about the shuddering.
>
> A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before
> she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than
> before.
> Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, "I
> couldn't help but notice" he said, "that you've sneezed three times,
> wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
>
> "I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare
> medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
>
> The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never
> heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for
> it?"
>
> The woman nodded, "Black Pepper."
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
>
> We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really
> know the difference between them?
>
> In an effort to keep you
> informed, the definitions are listed below:
>
> **GUTS** Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
> met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you
> still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
>
>
> **BALLS** Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
> smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
> wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next fatty.'
>
>
> I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
> We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really
> know the difference between them?
>
> In an effort to keep you
> informed, the definitions are listed below:
>
> **GUTS** Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
> met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you
> still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
>
>
> **BALLS** Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
> smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
> wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next fatty.'
>
>
> I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
-
(buffalo) Bill
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- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
> Subject: Fw: Blondes Again
>
>
> Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on
> the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview
> looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
> The blondes all nodded.
> The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a
> folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and
> said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be
> able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities,
> such as scars and so forth."
> So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and
> withdrew it after about two seconds.
> "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about
> this man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one
> eye!"
> The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye
> in this picture! It's the side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
> The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
> The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in
> her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
> Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" "Yes! He only
> has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
> "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a PROFILE of
> the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused
> too!"
> The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
> The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde
> and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the
> photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
> "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about
> this man?" The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact
> lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and
> began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
> He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
> "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the
> world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
> The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only
> one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
>
>
> Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on
> the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview
> looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
> The blondes all nodded.
> The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a
> folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and
> said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be
> able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities,
> such as scars and so forth."
> So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and
> withdrew it after about two seconds.
> "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about
> this man?" The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one
> eye!"
> The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye
> in this picture! It's the side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
> The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
> The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in
> her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
> Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" "Yes! He only
> has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
> "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a PROFILE of
> the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused
> too!"
> The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
> The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde
> and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the
> photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
> "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about
> this man?" The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact
> lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and
> began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
> He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
> "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the
> world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
> The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only
> one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
>
> The Geography of a Woman
>
> Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa.
>
> Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas
>
> Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America
>
> Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash
>
> Bwtween 31 and 35, she is like India
>
> very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty
>
> Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France
>
> Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit
>
> Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia
>
> Lost the war, haunted by the past mistakes. Massive recontruction is
> now necessary
>
> Between 51 and 60 she is like Russia.
>
> Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps
> people away
>
>
> Between 61 and 70 a woman is like Mongolia
>
> A glorious and all conquering past but alas no future
>
> After 70 they become like Afghanistan.
>
> Everyone knows where it is but no one wants to go there.
>
>
>
> NOW FOR THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
>
> BETWEEN 15 AND 90, A MAN IS LIKE ZIMBABWE. RULED BY A DICK
> The Geography of a Woman
>
> Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa.
>
> Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas
>
> Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America
>
> Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash
>
> Bwtween 31 and 35, she is like India
>
> very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty
>
> Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France
>
> Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit
>
> Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia
>
> Lost the war, haunted by the past mistakes. Massive recontruction is
> now necessary
>
> Between 51 and 60 she is like Russia.
>
> Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps
> people away
>
>
> Between 61 and 70 a woman is like Mongolia
>
> A glorious and all conquering past but alas no future
>
> After 70 they become like Afghanistan.
>
> Everyone knows where it is but no one wants to go there.
>
>
>
> NOW FOR THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
>
> BETWEEN 15 AND 90, A MAN IS LIKE ZIMBABWE. RULED BY A DICK
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
A Short Love Story
A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Sleeper train to Cairns .
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a
room, they were both very tired and fell asleep
quickly.... He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the
woman saying, 'Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but
would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket?
I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied . 'Just for
tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f%#*ing blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End
A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Sleeper train to Cairns .
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a
room, they were both very tired and fell asleep
quickly.... He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the
woman saying, 'Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but
would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket?
I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied . 'Just for
tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f%#*ing blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
> A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City ,
> where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at
> the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
>
> You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
> value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The
> shopper may choose any item fro m a particular floor, or may choose to
> go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit
> the building!
>
> So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the
> first floor the sign on the door
> reads:
>
> Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
>
>
> She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the
> sign reads:
>
>
> Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
>
>
> "That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
>
>
> So she continues upward. The third floor sign
> reads:
>
>
> Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
> Looking.
>
>
> "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
>
>
> She goes to the fourth floor and the sign
> reads:
>
>
> Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good
> Looking and Help With Housework.
>
>
> "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
>
>
> Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
>
>
> Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead
> Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
>
>
> She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,
> where the sign reads:
>
>
> Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no
> men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
> impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
>
>
> PLEASE NOTE:
>
> To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New
> Wives store just across the street.
>
>
> The first floor has wives that love sex.
>
> The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like
> beer.
>
> The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been
> visited.
> where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at
> the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
>
> You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
> value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The
> shopper may choose any item fro m a particular floor, or may choose to
> go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit
> the building!
>
> So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the
> first floor the sign on the door
> reads:
>
> Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
>
>
> She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the
> sign reads:
>
>
> Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
>
>
> "That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
>
>
> So she continues upward. The third floor sign
> reads:
>
>
> Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
> Looking.
>
>
> "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
>
>
> She goes to the fourth floor and the sign
> reads:
>
>
> Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good
> Looking and Help With Housework.
>
>
> "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
>
>
> Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
>
>
> Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead
> Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
>
>
> She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,
> where the sign reads:
>
>
> Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no
> men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
> impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
>
>
> PLEASE NOTE:
>
> To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New
> Wives store just across the street.
>
>
> The first floor has wives that love sex.
>
> The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like
> beer.
>
> The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been
> visited.
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
> The Bank Robber
> >
> >
> >
> > A man robs a bank and takes several hostages.
> >
> > He asks the first hostage, "did you see me rob the
> bank".
> >
> > The hostage answers "yes".
> >
> > The robber, promptly, shoots him in the head.
> >
> > Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob
> the bank.
> >
> > The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did".
> >
> >
> >
> > A man robs a bank and takes several hostages.
> >
> > He asks the first hostage, "did you see me rob the
> bank".
> >
> > The hostage answers "yes".
> >
> > The robber, promptly, shoots him in the head.
> >
> > Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob
> the bank.
> >
> > The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did".
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
> The Bank Robber
> >
> >
> >
> > A man robs a bank and takes several hostages.
> >
> > He asks the first hostage, "did you see me rob the
> bank".
> >
> > The hostage answers "yes".
> >
> > The robber, promptly, shoots him in the head.
> >
> > Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob
> the bank.
> >
> > The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did".
> >
> >
> >
> > A man robs a bank and takes several hostages.
> >
> > He asks the first hostage, "did you see me rob the
> bank".
> >
> > The hostage answers "yes".
> >
> > The robber, promptly, shoots him in the head.
> >
> > Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob
> the bank.
> >
> > The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did".
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
Subject: The Flight Crew
>
>
>
> The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the
> passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.
>
>
> Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your
> captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your
> destination."
>
> Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her
> right? Is the captain a woman?"
>
> When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said "Did I
> understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
>
> "Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
>
> "My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know
> what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."
>
>
> "That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We No Longer Call It
> The Cock Pit."
>
>
>
> "It's The Box Office."
>
>
>
> The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the
> passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.
>
>
> Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your
> captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your
> destination."
>
> Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her
> right? Is the captain a woman?"
>
> When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said "Did I
> understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
>
> "Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
>
> "My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know
> what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."
>
>
> "That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We No Longer Call It
> The Cock Pit."
>
>
>
> "It's The Box Office."
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
> Subject: Golf Chuckle !!
>
>
>
> Golf Chuckle !! Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched
> in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing
> the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
> hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
> around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
> began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist
> and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
> "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
> replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
> clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he
> finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
> them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She
> administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
> asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great,
> but I still think my thumb's broken."
> Save our Environment - think before you print!This message may
> contain confidential information that is legally privileged and is
> intended only for the use of the parties to whom it is addressed. If
> you are not an intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any
> disclosure, copying, distribution or use of any information in this
> message is strictly prohibited. If you receive this message in error,
> please notify me immediately at the e-mail/telephone numbers above.
>
>
>
> Golf Chuckle !! Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched
> in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing
> the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
> hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
> around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
> began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist
> and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
> "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
> replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
> clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he
> finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
> them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She
> administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
> asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great,
> but I still think my thumb's broken."
> Save our Environment - think before you print!This message may
> contain confidential information that is legally privileged and is
> intended only for the use of the parties to whom it is addressed. If
> you are not an intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any
> disclosure, copying, distribution or use of any information in this
> message is strictly prohibited. If you receive this message in error,
> please notify me immediately at the e-mail/telephone numbers above.