Do you get that look(Dirty sexpat )?

[redzonerocker]

^

Interesting post JAFO, certainly pulls no punches & is sure to rattle a few cages

I think along similar lines & find the comments about Western women unnecessary & in the bigger picture, hypocritical

[Big Boy]

I wasn't so sure about that post.

Firstly, I felt there was a hell of a lot of stereotyping; and secondly (although denied, if you read between the lines), I couldn't help but wonder how much it reflected upon personal experience.

[caller]

I think its just human nature to speculate? Interesting post by JAFO and I certainly agree with his unease about the comments aimed at 'western' women, whatever that is meant to mean? But to then generalise/stereotype in the way he has, IMHO, against the 'western' male, whatever that is, doesn't seem quite right? Nor his views on Thai women of a certain age. Those I know seem older/wider than their age, not younger (bar looks - or is that just the western male eye?).

Edit: As for education, I'd settle for intelligence.

[JAFO]

Fair enough all and expect a ton of lash back but it rubs people the wrong way when we stop being PC. While you cannot avoid generalizations and stereotyping I stated as I see it. If you are a sexpat then say it. If you feel guilty enough to be concerned about it then you might be one. If you want a women to take care of you then say it. If you hate western women then say it but don't use that that jealous deal. I seriously doubt if they are. I have found after talking with foreigner men here they are bitter divorcees and this is their way to get back at it all. I have actually read where old schmucks tell others that they are jealous they do not have a 20 year old girl. That cracks me up more then anything. Anyway all this back and forth and men trying to convince or justify themselves is nonsense. Man up! for Christs Sake

I think if you spend 2 hours at Market Village you will see a descent cross section. I do not frequent there but have stopped in for an iced green tea. I sat while I sipped it and watched couples walk by. I am guessing here as I did not count, but comfortably 50% of all foreigner men in their 60's(well let me say "Looked in their 60's) all had significantly younger girls with them and compounding that they followed them along more like lost puppies. Its funny in a way. So they leave their home country as they have issues with intelligent self sufficient women and are intimidated by them yet they will let a 20 year old lead them around like livestock. The other thing I do not understand are the men that check out the other farangs gal like it is some sort of competition, like maybe they should have waited or something. The entire deal is sort of creepy. I bet the western women are laughing about it all. Trust me, women do not need men, like men need women. I dunno, maybe I am missing something.

I know there are many genuine relationships here, please do not think I do not but generally speaking it is as I witnessed and stated. For those few it is very hard as they get bucketed with the others.

In the end its their life and if that floats their boat, then more power to them. But if you play in that arena then do not act all surprised with the harsh criticism that comes with it. If you are uncomfortable with it then you obviously are not secure within yourself.

OK I said my peace....

[Siani]

advocate


Mind you, I have only had such looks from unattractive, overweight, western women, who would have difficulty getting a man in any country. I think they are just jealous and vindictive.



ha ha ..that sums up 90 % of western women!

[/color]

I find that comment insulting, what a bloody nerve...90% You must be having laugh Maybe you meant 09%!

I think people only stare when they see some old bloke of about 75 years with a "trophy bride" of about 20 years old. They are normally in Market villa hanging around the gold shops! The young bird is dressed in a tarty way. This is asking to be stared at IMO...although I personally do not stare at anyone. It's rude
Same thing with Ronnie Wood etc...it's the age gap

Reverse the situation...would a pretty young farang woman be attracted to an old Thai man?

My son is in his 30's, he does not look out of place with a young Thai woman of similar age. I think you can give or take about 10-15 years max, but think it looks strange when you have a 50 year gap

You know the " Western woman vindictive jealousy card" has been played out. Only insecure men cough that little blip out. I actually think the western woman stare as they have a ton of pity for the Thai girl. I mean look at some of the fat, ailing slobs these Thai girls tolerate. I mean come on, do they REALLY think the girl thinks they are handsome, sexy or appealing?

Albeit I really try not to judge, at times the couples I see walking around make me cringe. In fact I have seen quite a few thai girls that actually put their heads down in shame when people stare at them. I mean if the guy has not figured it out by now your average 30 year old thai gal has the basic mentality of a late teen early 20 year old. When I hear of guys saying "Yeah, My wife is 28" and he is 60, I simply smirk and think, OK great, what do you talk about? ...Hello Kitty, Facebook, while they paint their nails bright green and watch a lakorn?

I personaly think there are a ton of men here who could not meet a woman in their home country not necessarily because of their looks but their terrible personalities and dispositions and intelligent self sufficient woman intimidate them. They land here and think they have found their soulmate with a girl 20, 30 maybe even 40 years younger. What most have yet to understand is they only love their money and are taking one for the team(family) to live a better life. There is no love in it at all. Most have no idea what love is. They just know money is happiness. Its like a child. In the bigger picture its a business situation. And let me be clear, I am not talking BG's.

Honestly Id respect a man that came out and said it like it is. "Well I want someone to take care of me and I am willing to buy her what she or the family wants and do not care if she really likes/loves me at all" Now that would be something...wouldn't it? There are a ton of delusional men living here in SE Asia which explains why a large number are on anti depressants and drink a lot.

I could never be with a woman here who could not take care of herself, wasn't educated and was not self sufficient. I did not come here to take on dependents.

[BaaBaa.]

We used to get the odd raised eyebrow off some half naked Farang in Tesco until we threw a big pack of Nappies in the trolley. There's only 6 years between us though and I look younger than 31.

I couldn't care less, neither could the GF.

You can easily spot who's with the Missus and who's known the girl for 2 days.

[Siani]

We used to get the odd raised eyebrow off some half naked Farang in Tesco until we threw a big pack of Nappies in the trolley. There's only 6 years between us though and I look younger than 31.

I couldn't care less, neither could the GF.

You can easily spot who's with the Missus and who's known the girl for 2 days.

BaaBaa...a 6 year gap is fine, the similar age means you have a lot in common.

[MrPlum]

Wasn't aware a lot of men are on anti-depressants. I recall a previous Poll asking if people were happy living in Thailand or with their partners and 80% said they were.

When I chose my partner I decided to limit the age difference to 30 years. I insisted she be young and beautiful. If I wanted an old trout, I could have picked one up, down the old people's home. I was well aware I could be ripped off by my nubile Thai temptress but while I waited to find out, I enjoyed the moment. Happily, she appears to be just what the doctor ordered. Attending to the oh-so-important tasks of clipping nasal hair and any other unsightly growths. The idea that you marry for love is a western delusion. Sort out the terms of your contract, first, THEN the love will (possibly) follow. If you opt for the former and are surprised by the latter, you only have yourself to blame. The girls usually let you know their terms in one way or another.

Thailand may attract poor quality men but the Thai men are hardly anything to write home about. 25% have no education, while 70% are rural poor. To mock elderly foreigners for being led around by 20 year olds is missing the point. If they are both happy with the contract, what business is it of yours? I've observed geriatric wards in the UK where the elderly are at death's door and been shocked at the callousness of visitors whose only interest is their money.

The guy who is mocking the 'old fart' who can't see what is clear to everyone else, is the same guy who is taking trips to Nana to meet his Katoey or paying for oil massages. With the divorce rate in Western countries at 50%, how can anyone really criticize? We can't get it right ourselves.

John Betjeman was a well-known English poet. In a TV interview he gave in his old age, Betjeman was asked the conventional question: "Do you have any regrets?" Replied the poet: "Yes. I wish I'd had more sex."

————————

• Text of the poem

My head is bald, my breath is bad,
Unshaven is my chin,
I have not now the joys I had
When I was young in sin.

I run my fingers down your dress
With brandy-certain aim
And you respond to my caress
And maybe feel the same.

But I've a picture of my own
On this reunion night,
Wherein two skeletons are shewn
To hold each other tight;

Dark sockets look on emptiness
Which once was loving-eyed,
The mouth that opens for a kiss
Has got no tongue inside.

I cling to you inflamed with fear
As now you cling to me,
I feel how frail you are my dear
And wonder what will be —

A week? or twenty years remain?
And then — what kind of death?
A losing fight with frightful pain
Or a gasping fight for breath?

Too long we let our bodies cling,
We cannot hide disgust
At all the thoughts that in us spring
From this late-flowering lust.

[advocate]

My Thai wife is only 13 years younger than I, and I have dated younger women than her in my home country.

Having spoken to western women in my home country who have met my wife, they say at first they felt jealous of her figure and looks, and upset that they were being passed over in favor of a Thai. They soon came to realize that despite themselves they soon came to like her and realized why I chose her.

My Thai wife is actually better of financially than most of the western women I have dated. When I met her she already owned her successfull business, drove her own brand new car, and owned her own house, investment land, etc.

She felt it was time to settle down and have a family, and simply wanted a decent man who wanted the same. In her opinion, good Thai men are not easy to find.

[hhfarang]

What's the old rule of dating... half your age + 7 years...

Half my age is 31 + 7 = 38. My wife is 41 so well within the respectable range by that rule.

[JAFO]

Attending to the oh-so-important tasks of clipping nasal hair and any other unsightly growths.

Interesting image for a lovely Thai girl to be doing in her prime.

The idea that you marry for love is a western delusion.

I agree 100%. Love is ambiguous. What does it really mean anyway. Happiness carries a lot more weight with me. But that means both parties are happy.

With the divorce rate in Western countries at 50%, how can anyone really criticize? We can't get it right ourselves.

Marriage is an old idea that does not fit the new times IMHO. Signing up for it is ridiculous. No one tells you all the realities about it. You think you have met "the one" and we know "the one" today is not likely to be "the one" 20, 30, 40 years from now. This goes both ways. Of the marriages that do make it, a good portion usually live out the last segment of their life miserable. I have witnessed this all to often. Sadly marriage makes it a financial business of sorts. If you are truly happy then you do not need marriage.

"Do you have any regrets?" Replied the poet: "Yes. I wish I'd had more sex."

Isn't that why most the expats are here? They got divorced and dismissed?


As I said, Its none of my business and I say nothing to the people in public. In fact I do not even stare. I just catch a glance as folks walk by. But to come on a forum and defend and wonder if people look at you as a sexpat then lash out at the western men and women that might catch a glance and snicker makes me wonder how much guilt a lot of these men live with. Having a bride 30, 40 and 50 years younger is questionable IMHO regardless of her looks. I think it rubs me that it was more about exploiting a girls lot in life rather then meeting a woman you can have a meaningful relationship with. If you are 60 and she is 20, what can you possibly have in common other then your money and her waiting for you to kick the bucket.


Its a very different culture here for sure and easily exploited.

[advocate]

A large age gap may look unusual, but it really is no one else's business if 2 freely consenting adults decide they want to be together. Regardless of the reasons, money or love, or both, they have every right to do so.

Some older men have been fleeced by the divorce courts in their home country and would never put themselves through that again. Too many countries force the obligations of marriage on people who simply want a live in partner, and have no desire to marry again, but don't intend to live the rest of their lives alone. Not so in Thailand.

Some men have no problem putting up with a few disparaging looks in exchange for having a beautifull woman. Who cares if they can't get a girl like this in their home country. The point is that they can here, so why wouldn't they.

[Korkenzieher]

The idea that you marry for love is a western delusion. Sort out the terms of your contract, first, THEN the love will (possibly) follow. If you opt for the former and are surprised by the latter, you only have yourself to blame.

I quoted only a small part, but if I have never agreed with Plum on much, I certainly agree with everything he wrote above!

[Big Boy]

Wasn't aware a lot of men are on anti-depressants. I recall a previous Poll asking if people were happy living in Thailand or with their partners and 80% said they were.

I agree entirely. This is why I suggested earlier in the thread that a lot of what had been said was likely to be down to personal experience. If not directly personal experience, maybe it's an ailment that affects a few of his/her close circle of friends. Again, this is why stereotyping can be dangerous - what sample of expats are the statements referring to?

I'm enjoying the discussion

[hhfarang]

What's the old rule of dating... half your age + 7 years...

Half my age is 31 + 7 = 38. My wife is 41 so well within the respectable range by that rule.

Another rule:

You should be no heavier than twice your wife's weight plus 7 kilos...