Toilet humour

[dr dave soul monsta]

A man walked into a public toilet and found two cubicles, one of
which was already occupied.

So he entered the vacant one, dropped his trousers and sat down.

A voice from the next cubicle said "Hello mate, how are you doing?".

He thought it a bit strange but not wanting to be rude, replied
"Yeah not too bad thanks".

After a pause he heard the voice again, "So what are you up to mate?".

Again he answered, somewhat reluctantly it must be said.

Unsure what to say, he relied "Umm, just having a quick poo...How about
yourself ?".

Then he heard the voice for the third time..."Sorry mate, I'll have to
call you back, I've got some f**king d**khead in the next loo
answering to everything I say !!!"

[cockneyrebel]

An old lady went to the doctors.
She said "Doctor, I've got terrible wind. In fact I've farted 20 times since I've been in here but you haven't noticed, no smell, and you didn't hear anything"
The doctor said "Take one of these pills three times a day with meals, and come back and see me in a week"
She did so and came back the following week.
She said "Doctor, I don't know what those pills were supposed to do, but now when I fart I have the most awful smell..."
To which the doctor replied.........."Now that we've sorted your sinus's out I'll get your hearing fixed!!!"

[Dangerous]

The His and Her Dictionary!!


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.

Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

[linktolinh]

Back to the toilet humour

A guy got in a toilet cubicle, settle down and start his business. Glance on the door he see a hot porn star poster, on her forehead it writes: Hi guy, my name is Tania!

Damn the dark long toilet, he has to move up to see the line beneath her nipple: "If you want to go for a ride call me"

OK OK but where is the phone number??. There is another line down across her p***sy in a very small leters. He move forward and catch it as:
" Now you shit on the bench, your dumb ass"

[linktolinh]

A black fisher man got lost on the sea after a huge storm. He sailing for 2 weeks and used up all food and water... he is near the death now, can not stop himself he crys out lound...

Miracle a God appear and ask: Dear my lost soul, how can I help you? I have 3 wishes here please make your wish.

It's unbelieveable, He makes his wishes:

Please bring me to a place with a lot of sweet water, I'm white and shinning, women come to see and touch me everyday...

Pinh! just a flash... and he found himhelf turned to a toilet seat in a Women public toilet cubicle.

[Guess]

A penniless black man was walking along the street of the Bronx and met a genie who true to character asked him to make a wish.

He said I want to be uptight, out of sight and surrounded by pussy.

The genie immediately turned him into a Kotex.

[JD]

A very attractive lady goes up to the bar.
She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers.
When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks softly caressing his face with both hands.
"Actually, I'm not," says the man.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "
I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message, "she continues. She runs her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly pops a couple of her fingers into His mouth, allowing him to suck and nip at them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say around her delicate fingers sliding in and out of his mouth.
"Tell him," She whispers, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room".