A modicum of decorum

[Lev]

We have noticed a disturbing trend on the forums lately and would like to nip this in the bud before our community turns into an anger driven free-for-all. The increase in number of sniping and attacking posts directed at other members simply because of a differing opinion is not something we want to advocate here.

There are other large Thailand forums that are more suited to this behaviour and we'd like to keep HHAD civilized for existing and potential new members that maybe considering joining up. We are all intelligent enough to conduct our discussions or disagreements with a modicum of decorum.

This is just a general note to all members, especially those with tendencies to "have a go" at others. Additionally those more experienced users of the board should offer a helping hand to the newbies by directing them here instead of making counter productive remarks. Thanks for your consideration and assistance in making HHAD a better place to be.

[keets]

it seems to me that many (or shall i say any) expat forums are susceptible to devolving into arenas for airing out petty arguments based on "cyber"-personality differences, or turning into territorial piss-patches where some of the experienced users and most tenured residents can rub the faces of others in their superior knowledge.

i've lived in thailand for awhile. since my arrival i've occasionally read postings on many of these forums, but i always avoided participating. having just shifted my base to HH, HHAD seemed like the quickest way for me to join my new community (initially). realizing i will confront these annoying aspects of "expat" forums, i've taken the plunge. all in all, it has been a fairly pleasant experience.

the worst thing so far was that i was "accused" of trying to get my 30 posts in during one day, presumably so i could access the juicy use-groups...the so called after-dark component of this "space." i was thoroughly pissed off by this for a couple reasons.

first off, yes i did post a lot that day (perhaps 15 times). but i was trying to get information on topics that interest me ranging from kite boarding, and bookstores, to the availability of smokeless tobacco products. i ended up posting a couple answers to questions regarding tailors in BKK and the availability of top-of-the-line skateboard accessories. i, unfortunately, followed a couple "dead" threads and was directed to newer information on the subject, sometimes politely, sometimes curtly.

the second reason i was put off by the "insinuation" is that the nightlife section of HHAD is the least interesting, and least useful part of the whole for me. posts on the subjects of girls and bars are often puerile, inept, racist and occasionally heartbreaking. [not all of them are though!!!] and then the following responses are so often condescending and arrogant.

i've been a partner in Bangkok bars for quite some time. again i'm being vague about the exact number of years, because i do not wear my tenure in thailand like some kind of badge that entitles me to make authoritative statements on life in this country. while living here i have erred and learned, and erred again, and tried to learn again. so when i hit my 30 posts, i may ask for permission to post in these arenas on the odd chance that i think i have something constructive to say. thus far i haven't even entered these places to read what's out there. it's just not that interesting anymore.

thanks for the opportunity to share my opinions.

[dtaai-maai]

it's just not that interesting anymore.

Good post by and large, keets, though I'm not sure this was the right place for it. Off topic really, as is my reply, so please start a new thread, Lev, if you think it necessary.

I think any internet forum can turn into a pissing contest, but the bigger it gets, the more likely that is. And when it involves expats, there is always the 'and just how long have you been here, sonny Jim" element. Other Thailand expat forums are undoubtedly worse in this respect, probably because they are slightly bigger, and therefore have more people trying to impress.

I've been involved in just a couple of forums for just over a year. Many others have been on the scene much longer. I think one of the things I've learned (apart from not posting when pissed as a fart) is that it really doesn't matter very much at all. People will say things on line to others they don't know from Adam that they wouldn't dream of saying to their face.

As far as Nightcrawlers is concerned, there is no doubt that quite a few new members join only to have a glimpse of that. It's like anything else - make it illegal or difficult to obtain, and it suddenly gains a whole new glamour. Well, it hasn't, as you seem to know already. But that's why there is a risk of being put into that category if you suddenly appear and start flooding the board and reviving old posts.

There are more (interesting) points to answer, but apparently my dinner's ready. And this probably does need a thread of its own.

[keets]

hey there
yeah my post could be considered mostly off topic and probably should have been posted elsewhere. sorry.

still, i think there is a touch of relevance being that i am a new user offering feedback on to the "climate" of HHAD. As i said, by and large my experience has been positive, but Lev does specifically address the issue of growing the forum and the perception of "potential new members."

again thanks for the opportunity to respond and for suggestions on how to be a better user

[jjbones]

Good post by and large, keets, though I'm not sure this was the right place for it.

And in a sentence the very reason why HHAD, on occasion, appears to be peopled of the "know-it-all" mentality.
I joined a while ago, read the threads quite regularly, and see the decline of a once warm and friendly Forum. There really is no need, or any decency, in engaging in "newbie bashing"... In my opinion of course.

[dtaai-maai]

Yes, keets was obviously devastated...

[MrPlum]

I would like to add that it would be a pity to avoid get-togethers on the basis of falling out with someone's online persona. I will be at the Nov 1st beach meet and looking forward to meeting some of the characters, SJ, Mr S, Lindosfan1 and others if they attend. Jockey, too, who I admire for his courage in posting, while constantly under fire.

Everyone I have met in the flesh has been okay by me. Is there really any need, being in paradise, for anyone to take these topics personally?

I don't believe so.

Anger can be very dangerous and explosive as anyone living in Thailand for a while can attest to. It also lowers the bodies ph (acidifying). That's where the term 'acid tongue' comes from.

Cheers

[dtaai-maai]

I would like to add that it would be a pity to avoid get-togethers on the basis of falling out with someone's online persona. I will be at the Nov 1st beach meet and looking forward to meeting some of the characters, SJ, Mr S, Lindosfan1 and others if they attend. Jockey, too, who I admire for his courage in posting, while constantly under fire.

Everyone I have met in the flesh has been okay by me. Is there really any need, being in paradise, for anyone to take these topics personally?

I don't believe so.

Anger can be very dangerous and explosive as anyone living in Thailand for a while can attest to. It also lowers the bodies ph (acidifying). That's where the term 'acid tongue' comes from.

Cheers

Undoubtedly one of your best posts so far, Mr P! It was exactly what I was trying, rather clumsily, to say in my apparently indecent, know-it-all and 'newbie-bashing' reply to keets. (Hurt? I doubt I'll sleep for the rest of the week... )

Don't take it personally - it REALLY DOESN'T MATTER!

Well said, Sir!

[redzonerocker]

I would like to add that it would be a pity to avoid get-togethers on the basis of falling out with someone's online persona.

Undoubtedly one of your best posts so far, Mr P!

agreed, apart from the part highlighted
it almost suggests that the online persona in no way reflects the true thoughts or notions of the poster involved

or am i reading it wrong???

[Wanderlust]

I would like to add that it would be a pity to avoid get-togethers on the basis of falling out with someone's online persona.

Undoubtedly one of your best posts so far, Mr P!

agreed, apart from the part highlighted
it almost suggests that the online persona in no way reflects the true thoughts or notions of the poster involved

or am i reading it wrong???

I took it as meaning that the online persona can often come across as more dogmatic or aggressive than it would be in person - subtlety is hard to project on a forum, as is sarcasm, humour and a number of other things that you can only really appreciate in person. The opinion is likely to be the same, just put across in a more (or in some cases, less) appealing way. Equally some posters post stuff just to get a reaction, but i think they are a minority on this forum.

[MrPlum]

I would like to add that it would be a pity to avoid get-togethers on the basis of falling out with someone's online persona.

Undoubtedly one of your best posts so far, Mr P!

agreed, apart from the part highlighted
it almost suggests that the online persona in no way reflects the true thoughts or notions of the poster involved

or am i reading it wrong???

Not at all. I don't berate everyone I meet in the flesh with talk of 50' Owls or medical mischief.

Most people don't have a clue about conspiracy theories and tend to reject any different 'reality' to the one they have been taught. That's a perfectly normal reaction. While I'm happy to while away an hour or two in verbal swordplay, online, I don't feel the need to trouble the thinking of people who are just trying to enjoy their holiday or get on with life. If people want to know more, they can ask. Ramming it down their throats is the quickest way to social exclusion I know and let's face it a lot of this stuff we can do nothing about anyway. At least online you have the option to not participate in a thread.

Despite online appearances, I am more interested in helping people than annoying them and my research of natural medicine takes a lot of my time. I also have a youngster to whom I need to teach Engrish and who demands my attention to play games. When we play, it's clear she's not the only child in the house!

I host travellers from all over the world and it's always a positive experience. They tend to be more open to ideas and the younger ones, you may be surprised to learn, definitely know all the theories.

From time to time I meet people and invariably invite them for dinner. Anyone who declines is missing out on a treat since my g/f is an ace cook.

I hope to tender an open invitation for everyone to attend a Saturday afternoon barbeque at my home some time but the Baht needs to support this effort a little more than it's doing.

Something else to consider with regard to extremes. There can be no middle ground without an extreme, either left or right, pink or blue. There would be no change, no advances, no technological or social progress, no testing of existing ideas, without someone saying 'hang on a minute, this isn't right'. This is called The Hegelian Dialectic.

“Hegel proposed that all spiritual, intellectual and historical development (whether negative or positive) progressed from the outcome of two opposing ideals. Thesis clashed with antithesis and this produced synthesis."

A clash or two is normal. Where it isn't normal is when fabricated ideas are deliberately used to polarize the people. 'Divide and Rule'. While we fight each other over nonsense such as who's going to raise taxes, we take our eye off the ball. In whose interests is that?

[keets]

i'm slowly getting over my devastation...slowly.
weather permitting i will make it to this saturday's beach party to see for myself the difference between online personas and fleshed out folks. apparently i'm going to have to take down a few existentialist tomes from my bookshelf and brush up a bit.

now, taking my tongue out of my cheek, i'd like to say, again, that i really am enjoying these forums and i look forward to meeting some you on saturday.

[Wanderlust]

I was looking for something else in old threads and I came across this one, and had two thoughts; firstly, that it was worth having it appear on the first page again, and secondly, what happened to keets? I think this was his last post so it would be interesting to know if he made it to the party a year ago and why he hasn't been on? It also brings up a third question, not really related to this thread and that is, will there be another HHADventure this year where people can get together?