Mia noy in Thai means "minor wife", A centuries old custom and practice here in Thailand, that still exists today on a wide scale.
There is no question that this is acceptable behaviour for Thai men. Even if frowned upon by some Thai women, most do not object if the financial support and "primary" family relationship remains with them.
Do readers think that this should be an acceptable practice for foreign men living here as well?
In turn, given the rapid westernization of the Thai culture, do you think it is acceptable for a woman to have a samee noy or, minor husband?
The question is not looking for one night stand responses, but a commitment to a second person, as emotionally and financially strong as the primary relationship. Pete
Mia Noy
Funnily enough, I saw an article very recently about how Thai women were hiring private detectives to check up on their husbands - in Chiang Mai, particularly.
So, I do think that the westernisation of Thai culture is turning the tables here. Of course, it will always be an "accepted" part of their culture, in certain circles, but the tide's turning.
I've always heard that there are certain hotals in BKK where a farang, or Thai man, can go to pick up an affluent Thai lady - admittedly, that's probably one-off fun for the lady, rather than a "kept man".
As for the question, should it be acceptable, therefore, for a farang to do the same to a Thai wife. Well, my answer is definitely not. Don't see much much point in it.
Plus, of course, it might get very painful.
So, I do think that the westernisation of Thai culture is turning the tables here. Of course, it will always be an "accepted" part of their culture, in certain circles, but the tide's turning.
I've always heard that there are certain hotals in BKK where a farang, or Thai man, can go to pick up an affluent Thai lady - admittedly, that's probably one-off fun for the lady, rather than a "kept man".
As for the question, should it be acceptable, therefore, for a farang to do the same to a Thai wife. Well, my answer is definitely not. Don't see much much point in it.
Plus, of course, it might get very painful.
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DawnHRD
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Pete,
When you say "foreign man", do you mean the existing wife is foreign or Thai? If the wife is Thai, then I can't comment. If you mean the existing wife is foreign, again I can only speak for myself, but my ex husband tried similar when he was living in the Philippines & I was in HK. The operative word in this is ex...
As for whether women should be able to do similar, I don't believe in double standards, so no, to both IMHO.
When you say "foreign man", do you mean the existing wife is foreign or Thai? If the wife is Thai, then I can't comment. If you mean the existing wife is foreign, again I can only speak for myself, but my ex husband tried similar when he was living in the Philippines & I was in HK. The operative word in this is ex...
As for whether women should be able to do similar, I don't believe in double standards, so no, to both IMHO.
"The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But, can they suffer?" - Jeremy Bentham, philosopher, 1748-1832
Make a dog's life better, today!
Make a dog's life better, today!
I used to work with a Nigerian. His father had 4 wives and a mistress, all concurrently. The wives were all happy with each other, but they all looked down on the mistress.
It obviously works well in some cultures, but not in others. My own limited experience is that I would fear for my genitals and my life, but not necessarily in that order, if I'd made a Thai girl jealous.
My general experience of life is that it's near impossible to keep one relationship going and to stay sane, let alone two.
It obviously works well in some cultures, but not in others. My own limited experience is that I would fear for my genitals and my life, but not necessarily in that order, if I'd made a Thai girl jealous.
My general experience of life is that it's near impossible to keep one relationship going and to stay sane, let alone two.
ดวงขึ้น
จิม
จิม
The idea of a mia noi may be acceptable in Thailand at face value - but not if it happens to a member of your family. My experience is that for a respectable family it is an unspoken shame, no matter how wealthy the sugar daddy, and a likely way for your daughter to remain childless if the illicit relationship lasts long enough.
Couldn't even contemplate the thought - one wife is expensive enough.
I know if we have another woman staying at our house for more than a couple of days my wife starts to get a bit tetchy. Having a second wife in the closet would be unbearable.
I know if we have another woman staying at our house for more than a couple of days my wife starts to get a bit tetchy. Having a second wife in the closet would be unbearable.
Championship Stoke City 3 - 0 Plymouth Argyle 
Points 48; Position 20
Points 48; Position 20
After I posted my response, I asked my wife what she thought about it. She went a bit loopy - had had a few drinks though!!
She was rattling on about yet another Thai male who'd been caught having married 6/7 women.
Now that's bigamy - against the law here, as it usually is in the western world.
The concept of a mia noi, she got a bit upset about. "It's not marrying you, darling, I'm just so rich that I can afford a paramour".
Not a nice thing for the lady and I think becoming less apparant in Thailand these days.
She was rattling on about yet another Thai male who'd been caught having married 6/7 women.
Now that's bigamy - against the law here, as it usually is in the western world.
The concept of a mia noi, she got a bit upset about. "It's not marrying you, darling, I'm just so rich that I can afford a paramour".
Not a nice thing for the lady and I think becoming less apparant in Thailand these days.
Don't believe it
Come on guys, we think we are in charge but we are not!!
Even in the wife's village in Khon Kaen it initially seems the women are subservient but deep down they influence our male chauvanistic thinking into believing we are in charge. They sow the seed and we swallow it. This applies worldwide. Read the book 'We come from Mars, they come from Venus'.
After 60 odd years of age, 2 marriages and a few other encounters, I think I'm beginning (only beginning) to know the plot
As they say in the UK 'lay on your back and think of England'
After all, all men are little boys wanting to be mothered all their lives. Accept it. It is inevitable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on guys, we think we are in charge but we are not!!
Even in the wife's village in Khon Kaen it initially seems the women are subservient but deep down they influence our male chauvanistic thinking into believing we are in charge. They sow the seed and we swallow it. This applies worldwide. Read the book 'We come from Mars, they come from Venus'.
After 60 odd years of age, 2 marriages and a few other encounters, I think I'm beginning (only beginning) to know the plot
As they say in the UK 'lay on your back and think of England'
After all, all men are little boys wanting to be mothered all their lives. Accept it. It is inevitable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RICHARD OF LOXLEY
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
Incidentally I had 2 in tandem for 10 years and my brain could'nt handle the situation. I kept getting my wires crossed and could'nt remember what I'd said to who!!
RICHARD OF LOXLEY
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
You're right Jaime from that angle. I started the thread as I wanted to see a foreigners take on a Thai custom they may have never heard about before, and a controversial one at that. Weigh values so to speak.Jaime wrote:The idea of a mia noi may be acceptable in Thailand at face value - but not if it happens to a member of your family. My experience is that for a respectable family it is an unspoken shame, no matter how wealthy the sugar daddy, and a likely way for your daughter to remain childless if the illicit relationship lasts long enough.
Past, present and I'm sure future, I know so many Thai businessmen in Bangkok who keep some fluff on the side, well housed and provided for. It's unusual to find any who say they DON'T do it once you have their confidence. It's almost like a status symbol. Similar to the old guy in Hong Kong or China walking around the town with a young girl on his arm. In most circles there, they are actually highly respected for being able to do that.
There's also a different level here in this tourist town, meaning not as rich. Many a girl comes down from up-country with visions/dreams of 5,000 baht a month instead of 500. They don't really want to work in a bar and try their hand at many service jobs. If none pan out, they usually head for a bar or....they are "rescued" by a Thai man who wants to set them up as a mistress, or mia noy. I know a few who have been with the same Thai man for a decade and all seem happy; her, him and wife #1...but as you say, no children for wife #2. These guys are not pimps, they're local business men but not on the Bangkok scale.
That's two social and economic levels of Thai society I know about first hand. I'm sure there is even another in the smaller towns and villages.
I believe it is more widely accepted by Thai families and #1 wives than they may let on to foreigners or strangers. Pete
The phenomenon is more prevalent than you think. I wrote a response to a (farang) contributor on stickman who had admitted to getting a mia noy and cc'd stickman about a year ago. Stick asked me to expand that into an article which he then posted on the website.
An excerpt (names and places obviously changed for the context of the article..):
"The ‘mia noy’ phenomenon seems to be more oriented to the locals, as it was (and to a large extent, still is) an accepted practice of the better-off families. I’d equate it to the practice of the not-so-well-off people of bedecking themselves with gold ornaments, only to farm some off to the pawnshop at the end off the month. The ‘Mia Noy’ is more of an accoutrement, and she knows it, and so makes the most of her situation while she can.
There’s Gob. He’s a general worker in the workshop, and does get sent to the provinces for extended periods of time. When he got sent to work South of Bangkok, it was a little too far for him to commute every weekend, so he opted to stay at the lodgings provided by the company. He eventually got involved with a ‘Dek serve’ (waitress) and it only came to light when he stopped sending money back home to his wife. He didn’t get a lot either.
Many of the other workers there also did the same thing; maybe it was the communal living conditions.
Another guy, an engineer, got involved with an accountant when he was on a project in the Northeast. He’d still drive back to his wife and kids in Bangkok every week. The accountant’s parents bought a house for them, they now have a kid. She knows there’s another family somewhere in Bangkok.
A supervisor friend got a posting so he could further his position. He eventually got involved with a teacher there, and started another family, even though he was close to retirement. When his ‘mia luang’ found out, she filed for divorce.
It’s a slightly different story with the farangs. Most of the guys seem to be smitten with just one, usually after a short period of extreme intimacy (or so they feel). They then proceed to throw everything they’ve got into trying to make a long-distance relationship work.
And unlike here, a mistress in the West is considered a social stigma. As is prostitution.
For those long-term resident farang with local family, an occasional fling in the bars is the most they’d go for. Safer in many ways, too"
An excerpt (names and places obviously changed for the context of the article..):
"The ‘mia noy’ phenomenon seems to be more oriented to the locals, as it was (and to a large extent, still is) an accepted practice of the better-off families. I’d equate it to the practice of the not-so-well-off people of bedecking themselves with gold ornaments, only to farm some off to the pawnshop at the end off the month. The ‘Mia Noy’ is more of an accoutrement, and she knows it, and so makes the most of her situation while she can.
There’s Gob. He’s a general worker in the workshop, and does get sent to the provinces for extended periods of time. When he got sent to work South of Bangkok, it was a little too far for him to commute every weekend, so he opted to stay at the lodgings provided by the company. He eventually got involved with a ‘Dek serve’ (waitress) and it only came to light when he stopped sending money back home to his wife. He didn’t get a lot either.
Many of the other workers there also did the same thing; maybe it was the communal living conditions.
Another guy, an engineer, got involved with an accountant when he was on a project in the Northeast. He’d still drive back to his wife and kids in Bangkok every week. The accountant’s parents bought a house for them, they now have a kid. She knows there’s another family somewhere in Bangkok.
A supervisor friend got a posting so he could further his position. He eventually got involved with a teacher there, and started another family, even though he was close to retirement. When his ‘mia luang’ found out, she filed for divorce.
It’s a slightly different story with the farangs. Most of the guys seem to be smitten with just one, usually after a short period of extreme intimacy (or so they feel). They then proceed to throw everything they’ve got into trying to make a long-distance relationship work.
And unlike here, a mistress in the West is considered a social stigma. As is prostitution.
For those long-term resident farang with local family, an occasional fling in the bars is the most they’d go for. Safer in many ways, too"
วินเชนท์
Re: Mia Noy
An ex-girlfriend I had in Bangkok actually believed herself the mia noy as she was convinced I had a wife! I'd be gone for the day-time hours at work almost 7 days a week but she was certain I was sleeping with her as the mistress and not the 'major-wife'.prcscct wrote:Mia noy in Thai means "minor wife", A centuries old custom and practice here in Thailand, that still exists today on a wide scale.
There is no question that this is acceptable behaviour for Thai men. Even if frowned upon by some Thai women, most do not object if the financial support and "primary" family relationship remains with them.
Do readers think that this should be an acceptable practice for foreign men living here as well?
In turn, given the rapid westernization of the Thai culture, do you think it is acceptable for a woman to have a samee noy or, minor husband?
The question is not looking for one night stand responses, but a commitment to a second person, as emotionally and financially strong as the primary relationship. Pete
I find it interested that its sometimes said that thai women often remark that once you are in a medium-term relationship with them they become a 'wife' of sorts. Kind of similar to common-law wife in the uk.