A man walks into the kitchen whilst his wife is preparing dinner , carrying a duck under his arm, "this is the pig I've been sh***ing", he calls cheerfully.
His wife gives him a bored, over the shoulder look and remarks, " that's not a pig it's a duck".
To which the guy says " I was talking to the duck".
Best of British
Doctor to patient :"Ihave good news and bad news"
Patient : "better give me the bad news first I suppose"
Doctor : we've done some tests and you only have six months to live, tops"
Patint : "Jesus H Christ , what's the good news"?
Doctor : "see that pretty little blonde nurse over there, the one with great legs and nice boobs ?
Patient : " yeah ? so what ?
Doctor : " I shagged her last night "!
Patient : "better give me the bad news first I suppose"
Doctor : we've done some tests and you only have six months to live, tops"
Patint : "Jesus H Christ , what's the good news"?
Doctor : "see that pretty little blonde nurse over there, the one with great legs and nice boobs ?
Patient : " yeah ? so what ?
Doctor : " I shagged her last night "!
-
magobligin
- Specialist
- Posts: 117
- Joined: Sat Nov 27, 2004 9:34 am
- Location: Pranburi
FROM: Bin Laden, Osama.
TO: All Al Qaeda Fighters.
SUBJECT: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:
First of all: While it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster - have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the Halal toaster/griller).
Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm tryin to scare the hell out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wasssuuup' thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Bega cheese recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Today, two of my Bega slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. And Please do not chant "Ossy, Ossy, Ossy. Oii Oii Oii" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
Fifth: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**** DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys there is a grey area).
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.
TO: All Al Qaeda Fighters.
SUBJECT: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:
First of all: While it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster - have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the Halal toaster/griller).
Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm tryin to scare the hell out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wasssuuup' thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Bega cheese recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Today, two of my Bega slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. And Please do not chant "Ossy, Ossy, Ossy. Oii Oii Oii" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
Fifth: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**** DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys there is a grey area).
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.
-
Guess
- Deceased
- Posts: 3470
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:01 pm
- Location: BangSaphan. Laurasia. Sub thumb
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and sometimes amusement.
Here are some of his gems:
1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3. Half the people you know are below average.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8. If you want the rainbow, you? You've got to put up with the rain.
9. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Here are some of his gems:
1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3. Half the people you know are below average.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8. If you want the rainbow, you? You've got to put up with the rain.
9. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
[color=blue][size=134]Care in the community success story.[/size][/color]
-
Wanderlust
- Legend
- Posts: 2862
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:27 pm
- Location: Hua Hin
A man walks into a brothel and after some initial embarrassment approaches the Madam. "Excuse me for asking but I have some rather unusual fetishes that I need to satisfy."
The Madam is unfazed and says, "No problem - we cater to all sorts here. What are you interested in?"
The man looks slightly uncomfortable and says in a hushed voice, "Well I'm into flagellation, bestiality and necrophilia."
The Madam replies, "Oh sorry - you're flogging a dead horse here then!"
The Madam is unfazed and says, "No problem - we cater to all sorts here. What are you interested in?"
The man looks slightly uncomfortable and says in a hushed voice, "Well I'm into flagellation, bestiality and necrophilia."
The Madam replies, "Oh sorry - you're flogging a dead horse here then!"
A man walks into his doctors surgery, "doctor " he says " I had to come and see you, I feel like I'm turning into a moth"
"You should be talking to a psychiatrist not your G.P. "replies the doctor.
"I know , but your light was on...................
A young woman gave birth to twins , but due to her circumstances she put them up for adoption.
Years later , happily married with a new familly, she would often think about the two boys she had given up. How she had been told that they had gone to different famillies, one had gone to a middle eastern familly and had been given the name Amaall, the other baby had been adopted by a Spanish familly and had been christened Juan.
Then one day around the time of what would be the boys' eighth birthday , the adption agenc ysent her a letter from the Spanish familly , together with a picture of their much loved adopted son.
The letter said that , as the boy was now eight years old they had decided to tell him that he had been adopted from birth , the boy had agreed that they should send a photo to his biological mother, maybe in the future she could visit him.
She was so happy to receive the letter and picture, after all he was her flesh and blood ,and she hadn't seen him since he was a few days old. At the same time , she felt sad that there was no similar news from her other "baby",she spoke with her husband of the bittersweet emotions she was experiencing, and of how much she would love a picture of the other boy.
The husband was, as always very understanding, and she found his words very comforting , " darling, the two babies you had to give up are identical twins, if youv'e seen Juan , youv'e seen Amaal".
"You should be talking to a psychiatrist not your G.P. "replies the doctor.
"I know , but your light was on...................
A young woman gave birth to twins , but due to her circumstances she put them up for adoption.
Years later , happily married with a new familly, she would often think about the two boys she had given up. How she had been told that they had gone to different famillies, one had gone to a middle eastern familly and had been given the name Amaall, the other baby had been adopted by a Spanish familly and had been christened Juan.
Then one day around the time of what would be the boys' eighth birthday , the adption agenc ysent her a letter from the Spanish familly , together with a picture of their much loved adopted son.
The letter said that , as the boy was now eight years old they had decided to tell him that he had been adopted from birth , the boy had agreed that they should send a photo to his biological mother, maybe in the future she could visit him.
She was so happy to receive the letter and picture, after all he was her flesh and blood ,and she hadn't seen him since he was a few days old. At the same time , she felt sad that there was no similar news from her other "baby",she spoke with her husband of the bittersweet emotions she was experiencing, and of how much she would love a picture of the other boy.
The husband was, as always very understanding, and she found his words very comforting , " darling, the two babies you had to give up are identical twins, if youv'e seen Juan , youv'e seen Amaal".
-
magobligin
- Specialist
- Posts: 117
- Joined: Sat Nov 27, 2004 9:34 am
- Location: Pranburi
A LESSON IN MEDICINE
First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human bodyâ€
First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human bodyâ€
It's Great to be a man!!!
a.. Your last name stays put.
b.. The garage is all yours.
c.. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
d.. Chocolate is just another snack.
e.. You can be President.
f.. You can never be pregnant.
g.. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
h.. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
i.. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
j.. The world is your urinal.
k.. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
l.. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
m.. Same work, more pay.
n.. Wrinkles add character.
o.. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
p.. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
q.. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
r.. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
s.. One mood all the time.
t.. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
u.. You know stuff about tanks.
v.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
w.. You can open all your own jars.
x.. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
y.. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
z.. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
aa.. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
ab.. You almost never have strap problems in public.
ac.. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
ad.. Everything on your face stays its original color.
ae.. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
af.. You only have to shave your face and neck.
ag.. You can play with toys all your life.
ah.. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
ai.. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
aj.. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
ak.. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
al.. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
am.. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Â
Â
 No wonder men are happier
Â
b.. The garage is all yours.
c.. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
d.. Chocolate is just another snack.
e.. You can be President.
f.. You can never be pregnant.
g.. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
h.. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
i.. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
j.. The world is your urinal.
k.. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
l.. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
m.. Same work, more pay.
n.. Wrinkles add character.
o.. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
p.. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
q.. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
r.. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
s.. One mood all the time.
t.. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
u.. You know stuff about tanks.
v.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
w.. You can open all your own jars.
x.. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
y.. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
z.. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
aa.. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
ab.. You almost never have strap problems in public.
ac.. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
ad.. Everything on your face stays its original color.
ae.. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
af.. You only have to shave your face and neck.
ag.. You can play with toys all your life.
ah.. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
ai.. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
aj.. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
ak.. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
al.. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
am.. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Â
Â
 No wonder men are happier
Â
Fairies DO exist !!
Fairies DO exist !!
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their
35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said:
"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will give you each a wish."
"Oo, I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the
wife.
The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - two tickets for the
QE2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well this is all very romantic - but an opportunity like this only occurs
once in a lifetime...so... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife
30 years younger than me ".
The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -
abracadabra!
The husband became 92 years old!
You see...
Men might be b*****ds....
But fairies are......female
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their
35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said:
"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will give you each a wish."
"Oo, I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the
wife.
The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - two tickets for the
QE2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well this is all very romantic - but an opportunity like this only occurs
once in a lifetime...so... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife
30 years younger than me ".
The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -
abracadabra!
The husband became 92 years old!
You see...
Men might be b*****ds....
But fairies are......female
-
Guess
- Deceased
- Posts: 3470
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:01 pm
- Location: BangSaphan. Laurasia. Sub thumb
A cutting from an English tabloid newspaper.
Dear Deidre,
I have just returned to England with my new beautiful Thai wife, Ta that I met in a bar in Bangkok. She is very nice and I love her very much. I am the only man she has ever slept with.
I now am living in my mother’s council flat in the North West of England and am working as a sanitary supervisor for the local council.
The problem I have is that all of my family have skeletons in the closet.
My father is serving a 30 year prison sentence for robbing an old age pensioner of her 53 pounds life time savings and then raping her.
My older brother is a gay heroine addict who now has aids.
My younger brother is in a young offenders correctional institution after being diagnosed as an incurable car thief.
My young sister is doing well at University but has to pay the fees by working as a part time prostitute in a seedy night club in London’s Soho district.
My older sister is working in Amsterdam but will not tell the rest of the family what she is doing as she says it is far too embarrassing and does not want to tarnish the family name.
My mother is awaiting trial for her thirty third shoplifting offence and has a real chance of being sent to prison.
I really love my new wife very much and want to be completely truthful with her as she has been to me.
Do you think I should tell her that my mother comes from Liverpool?
Dear Deidre,
I have just returned to England with my new beautiful Thai wife, Ta that I met in a bar in Bangkok. She is very nice and I love her very much. I am the only man she has ever slept with.
I now am living in my mother’s council flat in the North West of England and am working as a sanitary supervisor for the local council.
The problem I have is that all of my family have skeletons in the closet.
My father is serving a 30 year prison sentence for robbing an old age pensioner of her 53 pounds life time savings and then raping her.
My older brother is a gay heroine addict who now has aids.
My younger brother is in a young offenders correctional institution after being diagnosed as an incurable car thief.
My young sister is doing well at University but has to pay the fees by working as a part time prostitute in a seedy night club in London’s Soho district.
My older sister is working in Amsterdam but will not tell the rest of the family what she is doing as she says it is far too embarrassing and does not want to tarnish the family name.
My mother is awaiting trial for her thirty third shoplifting offence and has a real chance of being sent to prison.
I really love my new wife very much and want to be completely truthful with her as she has been to me.
Do you think I should tell her that my mother comes from Liverpool?
[color=blue][size=134]Care in the community success story.[/size][/color]
A beautiful young Thai girl found herself in the familly way, and, after telling her parents,was refusing to reveal the fathers identity.
After a few days of continuous questioning she finally relented and went to another room to make a phone call .
Some hours later, a very expensive, chauffer driven car pulled up outside the famillies less than des. res. in a not too affluent district of Bangkok.
An immaculately dressed, and obviously very wealthy man walked up to, and knocked on the door . the young girl ran to the man and threw her arms round him, sobbing.
The man's chauffer / translator introduced the man, and repeated in the Thai language everything he said.
My boss fully accepts that he is the father of your daughters unborn baby, but due to circumstances he cannot marry the girl. He wants you to know that he is very rich and will make the following arrangements for the care of the child and mother:
Directly after the birth, the girl's bank account will be credited with one million pounds stirling,
if the baby is a boy he will give him two million pounds, and legal ownership of half his Thai business assets.
If it is a girl, one million pounds and 25 per cent of Thai assets.
Twins will share the ammount promised for the birth of a boy.
The chauffer went on to say that, however should their be a miscarriage ......... at which point , the wealthy farang felt the girl's father grip his leg and speak ... "you'll fuck her again" said the translator.
After a few days of continuous questioning she finally relented and went to another room to make a phone call .
Some hours later, a very expensive, chauffer driven car pulled up outside the famillies less than des. res. in a not too affluent district of Bangkok.
An immaculately dressed, and obviously very wealthy man walked up to, and knocked on the door . the young girl ran to the man and threw her arms round him, sobbing.
The man's chauffer / translator introduced the man, and repeated in the Thai language everything he said.
My boss fully accepts that he is the father of your daughters unborn baby, but due to circumstances he cannot marry the girl. He wants you to know that he is very rich and will make the following arrangements for the care of the child and mother:
Directly after the birth, the girl's bank account will be credited with one million pounds stirling,
if the baby is a boy he will give him two million pounds, and legal ownership of half his Thai business assets.
If it is a girl, one million pounds and 25 per cent of Thai assets.
Twins will share the ammount promised for the birth of a boy.
The chauffer went on to say that, however should their be a miscarriage ......... at which point , the wealthy farang felt the girl's father grip his leg and speak ... "you'll fuck her again" said the translator.
Chicken & Donkey Story
Chicken & Donkey Story
On the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play together.
One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, For he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 silver BMW. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken started the beautiful motor car and the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to  the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the donkey!
Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, would you believe, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!
The donkey thought for a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.Â
And the moral of the story?
When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up a chick
On the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play together.
One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, For he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 silver BMW. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken started the beautiful motor car and the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to  the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the donkey!
Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, would you believe, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!
The donkey thought for a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.Â
And the moral of the story?
When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up a chick
-
Wanderlust
- Legend
- Posts: 2862
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:27 pm
- Location: Hua Hin
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts
searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves
the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they
return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again
backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being
played in the reverse order in which they were written, the
9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
just decomposing!"
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts
searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves
the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they
return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again
backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being
played in the reverse order in which they were written, the
9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
just decomposing!"
-
thailooper
- Member
- Posts: 61
- Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2004 1:59 am
- Location: Ireland
Katrina
Sad about hurricane Katrina - But she reminded me of my ex wife - when she came, she was warm, wet and wild ----- when she left, she took the house and every fu*king thing in it !!!!!!