Thailand and Thai relationships more commonplace?

[Lev]

I have a feeling that this thread is going to turn spicy.

[miked]

Bangkokney,
What is drivel is your post of 13th Jan. To suggest that a marriage of Thai/English stands more chance of success in a third party country. ????
Are you serious.????
Are you saying that to marry a bar girl is a good idea.????????? Does she carry on with work after you marry.????????

[Moto Guzzi Bob]

Hi guys
Not what I was initially hoping for, but, eh, this could be fun
Some interesting comments there

It makes no diference what country you live in. What is important is who you marry. If you marry a bar girl you deserve what you get.

Don't think I can agree with your somewhat bigotted view.
I have been married to a non BG for over 4 years and we live in the UK. She's not non-stop money grabbing, but money is not far from her lovely mind (even though, in fairness, she doesn't push for it), nor is it with all the other non BG's I know.
I can't say that BG's are more money grabbing here in the Brighton, UK, (don't think they are), but, they are almost certainly more up front when asking for it.
I suspect, based on personal knowledge of a lot of local and national relationships, that most of the Thai woman (BG or not) get what they want (financially).
I've lost count of the number of guys that have bought land/ property, support the family/ buffalo, etc. I have no problem with that, so long as the guy is doing it with both eyes wide open! (a lot of them don't).
I've lost count of the guys that have followed the dream moved 'lock, stock and barrel' to Thailand, only to come back a few years with their tail between their legs and with very little or nothing in the bank. These are often the ones that have no other source of income (e.g. pension) and think all will be OK if they take a wedge with them.
There has even been TV programmes about them, buy still they go with open heart and brain switched off.
If you do it, don't burn bridges, have an escape route back.
Do it with your eyes open, but, at the same time, GO FOR IT full on!
Sorry, I'm preaching, probably to the converted?!
Incidently, What's this cr*p about

no excuse to sell your body to any man with enough money.

Talk about not understanding another's life style
Take care

Moto Guzzi Bob

[Bangkokney]

Bangkokney,
What is drivel is your post of 13th Jan. To suggest that a marriage of Thai/English stands more chance of success in a third party country. ????
Are you serious.????
Are you saying that to marry a bar girl is a good idea.????????? Does she carry on with work after you marry.????????

Yet again you are making sweeping statements and jumping to conclusions ...

Yet again more drivel ...

[buksida]

While miked has made some good comments in his post I do have to disagree with the big sweeping generalization he has made.

In short everybody is different and every relationship is different, there may be greater odds of a relationship with a BG going south than someone that hasnt worked in the "industry" but it takes two to tango.

The girl's priorities are likely to be different but as long as you the boyfriend/husband know and accept them and are not going into it with your eyes closed then there shouldn't be problems.

IMO most Anglo/Thai relationships go wrong as a result of a communication breakdown which leads to not knowing what the other wants/needs and is doing, which ultimately leads to mistrust ... but then what do I know?

[Moto Guzzi Bob]

Hi All

IMO most Anglo/Thai relationships go wrong as a result of a communication breakdown which leads to not knowing what the other wants/needs and is doing, which ultimately leads to mistrust

Interesting one this, because whilst fundamently I agree, I think that some times, it is more than listening to each other and understanding. I think that often there is quite simply no understanding by both.
Sometimes a deliberate misunderstanding as a ploy - nothing new there then, except language/ cultural barrier can make it more convincing - cynical? You bet!
You need to keep your wits about you as does your partner, difference is that they can look so cute, pour on the tears and look pathetic.
Can you?
I can't!
Having said all that, I am coming up to 5 Years
I wouldn't begin to claim I have it sussed, lots to learn. My partner is still full of tricks, (oops! Freudian slip), I meant, surprises.
I hope that we will go the distance (old softy, really!)

Moto Guzzi Bob

[buksida]

Interesting one this, because whilst fundamently I agree, I think that some times, it is more than listening to each other and understanding. I think that often there is quite simply no understanding by both.
Sometimes a deliberate misunderstanding as a ploy

There you have it ... ulterior motives, she doesn't want to listen or understand, it usually happens to me when I tell her I'm going to the pub on a friday

You need to keep your wits about you as does your partner

This is very true especially for the guys living here, we have no protection from the law should anything go wrong, she takes the lot. I'm not sure about the UK but I would imagine as your wife she'd have the same entitlements as a British woman. Here we're not even allowed to own anything so have no choice but to put it in the missus name ... great insurance that is

[backinUK]

Woah! Seems this topic has got somewhat hotter since my last visit to this forum! What have I started?!

I guess I will soon find out about this topic 'almost' first-hand. A friend of mine brought his Thai gf to the UK just before Christmas. They plan to get married here in the next month.

She was a bar girl in HH, though I wouldn't say your typical 'take me to bed and don't forget to pay the barfine' sort of girl. She seems quite sensible and quite sweet and is somewhat brighter than most you would find working in a bar. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing for him!

I'm also not sure how well she will adapt to life in the UK. I know my friend has taken her to a Thai get-together in London, so hopefully she won't feel too lonely. He's not gods gift to women and has never had a long-term relationship of any sort, so I am concerned but I still wish him all the best. Only time will tell and for his sake I hope it works out.

I think he's gone into this with his eyes HALF shut/open....

[Moto Guzzi Bob]

Hi All

She seems quite sensible and quite sweet

Call me the old cynic, but I've heard this one so many times and have yet to come across a naively sweet Thai girl (BG or otherwise). I know naive wasn't stated but seems implied(?)

I think he's gone into this with his eyes HALF shut/open....

Sorry! Oops! Hope he hasn't - direct him to these forums.
Please advise him of the Thai Mafia (The girls' UK circle - ringing around, etc.), I mentioned before.
I truly hope this relationship succeeds for him, but he must have eyes wide open and be prepared - see some of previous posts.
He can send me a private message with tel no. if he wants.
I am not all negative (contrary to what people may believe from my postings). I'm very realistic and want all relationships to succeed and would be only too happy to pass on mine and other people's experiences.

He needs support as well from people who have been/ are going through it


buksida,
I know you have little or no rights there and I feel for you. The time will come for me to decide on whether to settle there and I will be looking for help/ advise from you and others.
You are correct in assuming that a Thai wife (not partner) has the same rights as a woman born here. However, the Thai woman here have the extraordinary idea that once they are here they have the rights to half of everything the man has from day one! Even the English courts are not that extreme. It is a rumour spread about by the Thai Mafia and causes relationship problems.

Please allow me to give backinUK's friend the best advise I can give.

Get married in Thailand NOT in the UK (see previous posting)

By the way, I love Thai woman BG or not and I want them to be happy.


Moto Guzzi Bob

[buksida]

Get married in Thailand NOT in the UK (see previous posting)

Just a few questions on this, I did get married in Thailand but had to go to the British embassy to complete a Freedom to Marry affadavit, I presume we're legally married the UK as well then as the embassy has records of it.

How would where you get married make a difference then, apart from the obscene cost of it all in Blighty?

[Wanderlust]

Just a few questions on this, I did get married in Thailand but had to go to the British embassy to complete a Freedom to Marry affadavit, I presume we're legally married the UK as well then as the embassy has records of it.

How would where you get married make a difference then, apart from the obscene cost of it all in Blighty?

buksida, as far as I know the Freedom To Marry form is just saying that you do not have an ongoing marriage already in the UK (or elsewhere i assume). Your marriage here in Thailand at a Thai office will not be registered in the UK unless you specifically go and do just that. Whether that can be done at the British Embassy I don't know, but I think it has to be done in the UK.

As far as the rest of this thread goes, I'd first like to say to miked that ALL generalisations are stupid, except this one! Everybody's opinions and thoughts are generated by their personal experiences which by their very nature will be different, with different people at different times and in different places. What you can say is that there are certain tendencies that some groups are more or less likely to display but you can never say, for example, that all BGs will be like this, and all non-BGs will be like that. Or that all farang men will be like this or that - we are all different.

My experiences do have some of the 'classic' hallmarks of farang/Thai relationships, but not all of them have the same pattern, nor are they ever only my or her fault when something has gone wrong. Money is often the root of the problem but then again it is in the majority of relationships anywhere, so why should Thailand be any different? It may be exacerbated here compared to the UK, for example, because of the perception many poorer Thais have of farangs being wealthy, but then again how wrong is that perception in relative terms? The vast majority of farangs that Thais see are those on holiday, and they are spending money like it is going out of style, and we know that is because they are on holiday but probably most Thais don't even consider that - they think this is normal for us strange farangs. Even expats add to this perception, often living in rented homes and paying 3 or 4 (or more) times a month what an average Thai would pay for rent, or buying land and building what an average Thai would regard as a mansion!

Another thing is regarding BGs - virtually all of them are working as they are to support their families, and more often than not because they have a child to support from a previous relationship with a Thai. Some of them are not like this though and may just like the life, or have some other reason. Many of them have been left heartbroken, not only by a guy who has done the dirty on them, but also by the fact that they are now lying to their families and have degraded themselves in their own eyes. However they have also become hardened and will not consider ripping off a holidaymaking or expat farang as anything wrong at all. They can be great actresses though and any guy can be fooled into thinking he is the special one. And sometimes it's not an act - they might genuinely like you and of course the promise of money and what it can do for them and their families. But then again, doesn't that sound familiar? Isn't that what many women want? Security and happiness, preferably with a guy they get along with?

Finally, and apologies for the long post, buksida is spot on with his observations regarding communication and understanding of both language and cultures. In my experiences Thais (and particularly women) will often not say something for fear of it making you unhappy (even if you ask them directly), disregarding the fact that you will be more unhappy if/when you find out at a later date from someone else. This is not deliberate lying, although it may seem like it, but is just their way, and is different to ours. I guess the appropriate phrase to describe this is 'being economical with the truth' I'm sure there are many more people on this board more knowledgeable about things like this, and about the language, but this is one I wanted to share. I am also quite willing to accept that not all Thais do this, and that it is just those who I have encountered, incidentally!
Hope that contributes to the discussion a little bit - here's to us all learning a little more every day

[Moto Guzzi Bob]

Hi All
I agree with Wanderlust's opinions and it seems to reinforce what some of us have said, except to reiterate the point of differences of cultures does add much more to the melting pot, even though there are similar problems in relationships.
As for

'being economical with the truth'

I have to say that Thai's stretch it far more than any other nationality I know, apart from our Middle East friends. They make things fit to suit themselves far more frequently and then change the rules to suit. I have come across this many times with quite a large number of Thai partners here in the UK and far more than with Northern Europeans. Whoops! Am I travelling around here with generalisations - sorry.

buksida

How would where you get married make a difference then, apart from the obscene cost of it all in Blighty?

The dreaded divorce settlement.

If you marry in Thailand (never remarry in UK), you have to divorce at the Thai Embassy in London or in Thailand. The relevance of that is the settlement. It does not go through the UK courts where the partner is quizzed about and told to agree a settlement through solicitors, blah, blah. This can be a substantial amount and sometimes an unjust amount. I went as a witness to a divorce at the Embassy. The woman was asked by a mumbling Thai official if she had any claim to the husband's assets. This was done so quickly and put in a way that a claim was not expected, She said no without any real consideration. This was someone who seemed to be into money in a big way - poor woman didn't have a chance . The husband did give her something after, incidently. Long-winded. The bottom line is that you, in general, have control over the assets, which can be bad news for the girl, but you sound like a nice guy, so here's hoping.
Now I off to the sticks for Easter, no computer (I think), so look forward to reading responses when I get back.

Moto Guzzi Bob

[SHADOW]

I don't want to get into this one but I feel drawn to say a couple of things.Why can't living in a third country work, I think if you could then that would be great fun. Marriage and for that any relationship should be built on trust, comradeship a understanding of each other and fun. Yes FUN I think that you should be married to your best friend, isn't that why people get together because they want to. Sad when people get ripped off, but a fact of life most do because they were so stupid, just read www.stickmanbangkok.com to see how many people come here with their head in the clouds and eyes wide shut. All BG's will rip you off, so if this is true then all shop assistants will ignore you!!

I haven't read one post where someone said " As we laid down beside each other she turned to me with that warm friendly smile reached across and put a 9mm automatic to my head and said buy my father a buffalo and my mum needs an eye operation". But I have heard " Get your arse off the sofa we're going to B&Q to buy carpets and curtains".

Come on lets get real a two week romance a year apart and a one month holiday are not good grounds for any relationship to work. I made my wife wait six years before I popped the question ( guess she had nothing better to do)

Yes you can register your marriage in BKK at the embassy, check out on line for details.
Again just my opion.

[Moto Guzzi Bob]

Hi All
Some good comments there.

Come on lets get real a two week romance a year apart and a one month holiday are not good grounds for any relationship to work

I tend to agree. I bought my then girl friend to the UK on a 6 month fiancee visa to see how we got on, not long enough for me, however, we married and nearly 5 years later are very happy (aah!).
I do know of some long term relationships that have been based on a 2 week holiday, but, in general, most seem to get to 2/3 years (or even less) at best.
My wife was not a BG and it is much easier to get a visa than for a BG. In fact, it is nigh on impossible for a BG. The solution seems to be for them to get a false reference from a friend in a shop/ hotel? My point is that living together for a reasonable length of time is the way to go whether it's in Thailand, home or a neutral/ third country.

Moto Guzzi Bob

[Jaime]

This is a very long post: my apologies in advance. I first posted it on another site in response to a similar question about cultural differences in Thai-Farang relationships based in the west and have posted it on at least one other since (Thai Visa). There are probably some gross generalisations in here but it is based on my own experiences of living with a Thai wife in the UK and observations of the circle of Thai-Farang friends we have. Here goes anyway, hope it informs & entertains:

For the benefit of those who are conducting “long distanceâ€