Gaining Trust of normal Thai girl

[Jose]

Hi Guys

I need some advice regarding winning the trust of a normal girl that does not trust men both farang and Thai.

I will give you some background information about her
38 years old, she has good job (she is my assistant).
she owns her own business in her hometown.
she is not a looker but average looks.
she has one son
divorced 4 years ago

how do I get her to trust me and gain her respect not as her boss but as a human being.

[richard]

I doubt that you will. She can obviously read you like a book. It's called women's intuition

[JamesWest]

what is it you want to do with this women? friend? wife?

tell her you are not a butterfly.
make her understand that there is zero possibility you are interested in other women.
make her feel secure.
don't tell her you love her. demonstrate everything with actions not words.
don't spend too much money on her. thai women respect a man who does not waste money.
don't drink, smoke, gamble, do drugs, go to go go's or bars, lie, cheat or steal.
if she goes to temple, respect her religion.
give her a small gift like a piece of gold jewelry so she knows you are serious.
express interest in her son. be responsible.

tell her the truth all the time except for the following:
even if you are the biggest slut in Thailand don't tell her about any of it.
if you have been to Pattaya don't tell her. If you have been to Nana or Cowboy don't tell her.
it does not matter how long ago.
make sure she can not catch you in this lie.

some of the above is really only if you are trying to start a romantic relationship.

give it one year. then if she is still not on board, just find a nice bargirl and feed her and keep the air con on.

[STEVE G]

...she has one son...

Look after the son.

[Gérard]

I am not a specialist, but I would say "just be yourself".
Most important in my opinion is COMMUNICATION.
Is she able to have a real conversation in English on any subject ?
or
Are you able to have a real conversation in Thai on any subject ?
If communication is limited, she may prefer the company of her smartphone...
A 38 years old woman with a child has very little chance to find a Thai man.
If she is not interested in you, she may have decided to stay alone.

[kendo]

Tell her nothing just be true to yourself and genuinely respect her and show respect to her and her son and let her work you out.
So many Thai's try to work out your whole life status with over baring questions to the point of being rude in farang land. I call this Thai directness it's not rude to some but to others it's culture difference.
As already stated the big qaulifier is her son if you are really sweet on this girl show effection to the kid and she will see and work you out good luck with that.

[crazy88]

Already been said.

Just be yourself. Don't tell lies or pretend to be someone you are not. You will get caught one day

Good luck

Crazy 88

[Jose]

Thanks for your help so far,

In rely to some of the questions,

I am looking for a wife,

The attraction towards her is not just physical, for some reason when I look at her I see Mary Poppins, she is a amazing woman, she works Mon-fri as my admin assistant and then she has her own business back home.

I see her as higher status than me but she sees herself as low status. In my view she is more successful than me but I am lucky to be born in a rich country.

How can i get her to believe in herself

[Dannie Boy]

Remember that Rome want built in a day, so just take your time, follow much of the good advice already offered and see where it takes you - this lady sounds like she may have reason to distrust due to a previous bad experience, so give her time and with good luck, she will work out you're not a bad guy (unless you are are )

[sand_dancer]

Take a chill pill friend.....

I am looking for a wife

She might not be looking for a husband......

Slow down...... Relax...... And go with the flow......

[Don East Stand]

Hi Jose,

I don't think it has been mentioned so far, but is there not a golden rule that you should not mix business with pleasure?

It strikes me that the hoped for "relationship" is doomed to fail because you are NOT starting off as equals, she is after all YOUR employee. How confusing for the poor girl, and indeed yourself, one minute you will be her boss and the next you want to be her husband. I'm not surprised that you do not yet have her trust.

I'm sure there are loads of lovely Thai ladies who would like to get to know you better, and in time perhaps become your wife.

However if YOUR employee is the only ONE for you, and you genuinely want for her to

trust me and gain her respect not as her boss but as a human being.

then stop being her "boss" and make her a fully paid up partner in the business. You will both then start on an equal footing with mutual respect for each other.

On the other hand it might be cheaper and easier to find another lovely Thai lady

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Jose]

555

i am her line manager but I do not own a company, we both work in a IT support dept of big company

Hi Jose,

I don't think it has been mentioned so far, but is there not a golden rule that you should not mix business with pleasure?

It strikes me that the hoped for "relationship" is doomed to fail because you are NOT starting off as equals, she is after all YOUR employee. How confusing for the poor girl, and indeed yourself, one minute you will be her boss and the next you want to be her husband. I'm not surprised that you do not yet have her trust.

I'm sure there are loads of lovely Thai ladies who would like to get to know you better, and in time perhaps become your wife.

However if YOUR employee is the only ONE for you, and you genuinely want for her to

trust me and gain her respect not as her boss but as a human being.

then stop being her "boss" and make her a fully paid up partner in the business. You will both then start on an equal footing with mutual respect for each other.

On the other hand it might be cheaper and easier to find another lovely Thai lady

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Jose]

Update

Well after spending yesterday being sick because i was so scared of talking to her,

I asked her out and we are going for dinner next Tuesday, with chaperon,

thanks for all your help

i have a feeling this is the beginning of a long road.

[Pleng]

Hi Guys
I need some advice regarding winning the trust of a normal girl that does not trust men both farang and Thai.

My advice is that you don't.

Thai or Farrang, Man or Woman, these "I don't trust [members of the opposite sex" types are bad news. I'm sure she has her reasons why she has problems with men - but don't make them your problem. If do you end up in a serious relationship with this person your every move will be scrutinized - you'll be made to feel guilty for anything you do that does not involve her, and you will rarely be appreciated when you go out of your way to do nice things for her.

She'll spend the entire relationship convinced that you're going to leave her for somebody else and... here's the ironic thing, it's always the insecure party in a relationship that ends up going off with somebody else in the long run. Always. I've seen it over and over again.

There are hundreds and thousands of girls out there you could fall in love with and marry. Why chose to get closer to a girl who clearly has issues?

[JamesWest]

Hi Guys
I need some advice regarding winning the trust of a normal girl that does not trust men both farang and Thai.

My advice is that you don't.

Thai or Farrang, Man or Woman, these "I don't trust [members of the opposite sex" types are bad news. I'm sure she has her reasons why she has problems with men - but don't make them your problem. If do you end up in a serious relationship with this person your every move will be scrutinized - you'll be made to feel guilty for anything you do that does not involve her, and you will rarely be appreciated when you go out of your way to do nice things for her.

She'll spend the entire relationship convinced that you're going to leave her for somebody else and... here's the ironic thing, it's always the insecure party in a relationship that ends up going off with somebody else in the long run. Always. I've seen it over and over again.

There are hundreds and thousands of girls out there you could fall in love with and marry. Why chose to get closer to a girl who clearly has issues?

this is a really good point. i had a girlfriend who had issues with her father. in the end, all she wanted to do was prove that all men where bad just like her father.

the problem here in Thailand is the women are so traumatized by their ex husbands who cheat on them or a boyfriend that they loved who takes off as soon as they get pregnant they have come to expect that all men are like that.