A post in the 'bagged, baby body parts' thread reminded me of an incident when I was living at my ex girlfriend's grandparent's for a few months. A truly bizarre incident occurred there which I will never forget. Apologies if this gets long winded... I'm just gonna type away, you don't have to read it
. I'm on the tablet so it's going to be full of typos too. Forgive me.A small boat ride down the canal, would bring us to Joy's (my ex) Auntie's house/straw hut and her husband (Ohm) who I'd got on with well ever since I met him a few years prior. A typical motorbike taxi driver guy. Did little work, earnt little money and enjoyed a drink. Nice guy nevertheless. One morning at grandpa's, I'm woken by Joy's 8 year old nephew 'Foong'. He's telling us that something horrible has happened to Ohm. I couldn't make out arse or tit as to what he was saying so he 'acted' it out for me. This involved walking around like a zombie, speaking jibberish. Joy then explains that (I shit you not) Ohm has been 'possessed' by a ghost during the night on the bike and warns me not to drive the motorbike at night around here. 'What rubbish!' I think... She's playing me for a fool. Anyhow I've been told we will be going down the river to his house to put him on the boat to be taken to Grandpa's and I'm to drive his bike the ultra long way back.
We get to Ohms place and I couldn't believe what I saw. I'd only enjoyed a drink with him a few weeks ago but the man in front of me was a dribbling mess, wearing an adult diaper. Couldn't eat anything, couldn't drink anything, couldn't stand let alone walk. I'm not a doctor but am at least smart enough to know that he needs a doctor - and quickly
"Nothing they can do for him", said Joy. "He's been possessed". Give me a break.
The next morning, with the help of four other males living in the house, we got him over the river, onto the back of a pickup. We are going to the hospital, I assume.
NEVER assume in Thailand, it makes an ass out of.....
We end up at this house miles away in the sticks. It's just me, Joy, Joys Aunt, the very unwell Ohm and a 'helper'. Out of the house comes an old lady, she must have been in her late 100's. She is wearing a red cloak and a red pointy hat. At this point, I'd long given up telling joy and her family he needs to go to hospital. They have made it quite clear that I don't know what I'm talking about, so should leave it to them. On seeing Ol' Red Riding Hood approaching, I prepare for the worst... Hope for the best. The guy is knocking on death's door and they've driven him to a bloody witch doctor!
We sit in her room for 8 hours! She chants all kinds of rubbish, ties the string around us all, covers Ohm in some stinking lotion (smelt like Tiger Balm tbh... Just tripled in power) chants some more garbage and then says Ohm is ready to be taken home. We carry him onto the pick up and return... Ohm looks worse than before.
"So what the hell was that, Joy?" I ask. "The man is dying. That red cloaked lady, didn't couldn't can't help... He needs to get to hospital!" (apparently he hadn't managed to hold down any food or water for 4 days).
"Its a three day process", she told me. "At the end of the third day he will snap out of it". Rubbish, the man's dying.
The crack of dawn sees us doing the same job; hauling Ohm onto the boat, over the river and onto a pickup. This was no easy task. Ohm was a big guy and a dead weight on the day. He'd been moaning and groaning all night, he's covered in his own mess and he needs to go to hospital. Nevertheless, we are going to travel triple the time it would take to go to hospital to... Yup...check in for our second day at the witch doctor's. Give me strength!
As it happens, Ohm passed away about 5 minutes into the journey. At this point, I do my best with CPR and am screaming at Joy to get to the nearest hospital. We turn around. Finally, we are getting him to a hospital! Or so I thought....
We turn up at the local bloody temple!!! Ohm's wife quickly speaks to the monks and I'm ordered to help haul him (the now very dead Ohm) out from the pickup and into the temple. The three present monks then proceed to chant over his body while throwing water over him. To my amazement, Joy and her Aunt were still hopeful that he could snap out of it! Now, I'm no doctor but I can tell you when someone is dead... He ain't coming back.
He doesn't snap out of it (surprise surprise) and its only NOW that the family give the all clear to take him to a hospital. I, pointlessly, continue working on Ohm until we get to the hospital. The guys been dead for 40 minutes by the time we reach the hospital. The nurses give him a complimentary zap with their zappers (medical jargon is not my forte) and pronounce him dead. Not just dead but very dead, and extremely unwell looking. I hear the nurses asking about his predicament. I hear Joy and her Aunt explaining it. I hear the bemused tone in the nurses voice when she asks...
"Why didn't you bring him straight to the hospital on the first day he was very sick?"
I keep my mouth shut. It's not a time for, 'I told you so's'.