How to recover from an "up to you" faux pas?

[clinton114]

My Thai wife of 10 months warned me never to utter the words "up to you" to her. This afternoon, she asked my opinion of something and, in the presence of a Thai man, I said "it's up to you". Everything immediately became very icy, and as soon as we returned home, she stormed off to bed without saying a word. After about 30 minutes trying to think what it was I did wrong this time, I made the connection. So now, do I just keep my mouth shut and let this blow over, or risk making it worse by bringing it up to apologize? Or, is this even a real problem?

[SunandFun]

Talk. Apologize. Understand or try.

[dtaai-maai]

Wife tells husband not to do XYZ

Husband does XYZ

Wife is not happy.

Husband appears to be surprised.


Should you apologise? Probably, briefly.
More to the point - don't do it again.

[deepee]

clinton,
I have been doing the Mrs. deepee/Mr. deepee ( notice the order) gig for a very,very long time and this is an new one on me.I have always understood the mandatory and immediate response was " tum jai khoon, tee rak". But having said that, every day is a new day dear clinton and you have to be prepared to meet the ever new and strange tests that will come your way. Best lie low for now,and when safe just battle on.

[Pleng]

Sorry I'm missing something here. What exatly is the issue..?

[Gregga]

Sorry I'm missing something here. What exatly is the issue..?

same here, I don't get it what so dramatic in saying "up to you" to your wife?
I need to know not to insult someone just in case

[joecoolfrog]

I assume the wife considers the phrase ' Up to you ' to be bargirl language and consequently an implied slur. To be honest I think she is being slightly ridiculous but probably best to grovel a bit anyway.

[hhfarang]

The issue is not "up to you" or even Thai women and foreign men. The issue is "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"... read the book.

[Chromeman]

There are several books that tries to explain women to men...

men-understanding-women-logic.jpg (44.91 KiB) Viewed 1205 times

[matthewnoel]

omfg!pull yourself together.

[margaretcarnes]

As Joecoolfrog says - maybe the wife simply thinks 'up to you' sounds like bar girl language. Or perhaps it goes a bit deeper than that. The comment was made in front of a Thai man. That seems important to me. We don't know what the situation was, but if Mrs Clinton sees Thai men (and her elders) as superior to her in status, she could be embarrassed when her husband appears to defer to her rather than assert himself.

[PeteC]

Yes, a lot may have to do with the question prior to the reply. If she said something like, "this gentleman wants me to go have a coffee with him..." and the op's reply was "up to you", I can see where could fly. Pete

[Arlo]

Why don't you talk to her about it so you understand where she is coming from? If you can't speak to her about something like this, I think you may have bigger problems down the road. Best of luck with your situation and if you ever figure out why it bothers her, please let us know.

[clinton114]

Ah, thanks all. I believe it's a silly thing for her to be as ticked off as she is when I utter those words; normally, I wouldn't understand what the issue was, either. However it's her culture, I try to respect it and accommodate her feelings. I didn't even realize what I had said/done until long after I said it - I had to think back to try and figure out what I'd said to piss her off. I think I will just ride it out and wait until the storm blows over... I am coming to believe that if I bring it up (even to apologize), it will just prolong the silent treatment. I've never understood women very well, and Thai women are proving to be an even tougher challenge for me to understand. HAH

[Spitfire]

Yeah....easy on the melodrama. Would have been good to ask the question 'Why?' when she said don't say it in the first place.

Secondly, worth remembering that most locals, especially the females, have soaked up way-too-many TV soap operas on a daily basis for years, thus making amateur dramatics a national skill.