Leaving a bar

[Korkenzieher]

I personally feel that a lot of the more colourful language that people use to describe others says a lot more about that individual than it does anything else. Hearing (generally quite young) folk comment that they are going to go and pick up a Thai slut, or slapper for the night -- well, that guy isn't likely to make it onto my Christmas card list any time real soon.

[margaretcarnes]

I've just googled "Tower for an Hour" if it means what I think it means, then theres a big difference between picking up a minger in a Hull nightclub and paying a bargirl.

The bargirl is conducting a business transaction, with well known tarrifs, 1000-1500baht if in Hua Hin, while the girls in Hull also have a well known tarrif, one small doner kebab and a diet coke.

I really don't know how I've managed to overlook this post for a year - suffice to say one small doner kebab is all most Hull blokes have to offer

(With apologies to HHTel)

[theprice01]

I'm wondering what the outcome with the OP was with this situation. How did things work out??

[Soonn]

This has been a good read. I'm glad that someone resurrected the thread a few months ago.

I'm in a similar situation, except in Bangkok. I first met the girl about 4 months before I ever barfined her, and even then I only did it twice. Before I did, she spent literally hour long blocks chit chatting with me in her bar with only a single drink to show for it (plus a 200-400 baht tip at the end of the night for giving me the dirt on all the other girls - who is new, who has fake boyfriends, who shouldn't be in the bar at all for legal reasons) It took her a long time to actually admit that she had any feelings for me, but now that she has the issue of this 10,000 baht fee has come up. Honestly, I just said "Whatever" and paid it. It's what, about 280 bucks? I see it as an aversion of drama, and being able to come back to my favorite bar in Bangkok with the Mamasan's blessing if the relationship gets all blowed up (that was an intentional grammar mistake). Granted, I doubt the mamasan would be sad to see me come back even without the release considering that I had a reputation for taking 3 different girls a night during my 4-6 day stays. Anyway, I'll be spending a lot more than that on her when she gets on the plane with me.

I've heard people say on some web sites that this is a red flag, along with half a dozen other things, but quite frankly this girl isn't asking for money, beyond the release. She has mentioned needing a grand total of 8.000 baht per month to take care of her mum, father, and daughter.

My situation is a bit different from most foreigners, because I live in Asia (Korea) and zip over to Thailand quite frequently. That said, we've just made plans for her to come back to Korea with me for about a month, before she returns home to see her daughter and family, and then back to Korea with me for another month or so. I don't believe that she is going back to the bar while I am still in Korea because... we talk almost every night during standard "work" hours at which she was unavailable before paying the fee. She even gives me gifts from time to time, as opposed to being a sponge, and reacts with phrases tinged with genuine bafflement like "Why are you so good to me?" when I send her something like a cheap smartphone (her old mobile might have been stylish... in 2001... when mobiles first went to color ), or a coloring book for her daughter. She never asks for ANYTHING, and knows how much I make in Korea (which isn't that impressive). She's invited me to her home in Surin to meet her family multiple times. Quite frankly I just can't imagine that someone would do that if they were running a scam.

It may make a difference that she is quite a bit older than most of the other bar girls - 29, thirty on the day we're scheduled to leave actually. I'm 32... We're pretty close to the same age.

The only real red flag I have (beyond her former profession, and that she mentioned the release fee at all), is that she says that it is better for me to work in Korea than Bangkok. The reason is a combination of making more money in Korea than I could in Bangkok, and the recent political protests making her feel uncomfortable. I get the logic. I guess my suspicion will only go into overdrive, if she finds an excuse at the last minute to NOT get on the plane with me.

The point is that, based on my current evidence (Granted she's not yet back in Korea with me - that's scheduled for three weeks from now). There are cases of people paying this, and then actually having the girl not going to work in the bar. Then again, it's also entirely possible that I'm being a ginormous dumbass and will soon realize that I've just burned a couple grand on a permanent releases, airline tickets, and giving her 8k baht for her family over the next month that she didn't ask me for.

[Dannie Boy]

Sounds like a worthwhile investment - you don't appear to be wet behind the ears so give it a try and see if it works out - if not, you at least have another experience for the future. Good luck and let us all know how things go.

[richard]

The point is that, based on my current evidence (Granted she's not yet back in Korea with me - that's scheduled for three weeks from now). There are cases of people paying this, and then actually having the girl not going to work in the bar. Then again, it's also entirely possible that I'm being a ginormous dumbass and will soon realize that I've just burned a couple grand on a permanent releases, airline tickets, and giving her 8k baht for her family over the next month that she didn't ask me for.

Look forward to your update in 3 weeks time

By the way, if she's not working in the bar what's she doing? Sitting at home knitting?

[Soonn]

The point is that, based on my current evidence (Granted she's not yet back in Korea with me - that's scheduled for three weeks from now). There are cases of people paying this, and then actually having the girl not going to work in the bar. Then again, it's also entirely possible that I'm being a ginormous dumbass and will soon realize that I've just burned a couple grand on a permanent releases, airline tickets, and giving her 8k baht for her family over the next month that she didn't ask me for.

Look forward to your update in 3 weeks time

By the way, if she's not working in the bar what's she doing? Sitting at home knitting?

She says that in the next couple days she's going back to Surin to spend quality time with her daughter knowing that she won't be able to see her for the next month. She loves that little girl more than life itself. Ordinarily, she only gets back to her hometown 2 times a month or so. Honestly, I'm glad she's doing it. I want her family to feel like I'm not a control freak. Actually, it was her mom and sister that were nagging her with "Why you not love him?" a few weeks ago after I sent said coloring books to her daughter. The boyfriend/girlfriend aspect of relationship only became official this week. Before that we were just good friends who talked every day.

[bernadetB]

I don't know. I just went to a bar and drink till dawn.

[Jose]

mate, do yourself a big favour, get rid, bar girls are like Policeman, never off duty and always looking for someone to shaft.

Millions of nice normal thai girls that you can bang bareback without having to worry about the big HI5

This has been a good read. I'm glad that someone resurrected the thread a few months ago.

I'm in a similar situation, except in Bangkok. I first met the girl about 4 months before I ever barfined her, and even then I only did it twice. Before I did, she spent literally hour long blocks chit chatting with me in her bar with only a single drink to show for it (plus a 200-400 baht tip at the end of the night for giving me the dirt on all the other girls - who is new, who has fake boyfriends, who shouldn't be in the bar at all for legal reasons) It took her a long time to actually admit that she had any feelings for me, but now that she has the issue of this 10,000 baht fee has come up. Honestly, I just said "Whatever" and paid it. It's what, about 280 bucks? I see it as an aversion of drama, and being able to come back to my favorite bar in Bangkok with the Mamasan's blessing if the relationship gets all blowed up (that was an intentional grammar mistake). Granted, I doubt the mamasan would be sad to see me come back even without the release considering that I had a reputation for taking 3 different girls a night during my 4-6 day stays. Anyway, I'll be spending a lot more than that on her when she gets on the plane with me.

I've heard people say on some web sites that this is a red flag, along with half a dozen other things, but quite frankly this girl isn't asking for money, beyond the release. She has mentioned needing a grand total of 8.000 baht per month to take care of her mum, father, and daughter.

My situation is a bit different from most foreigners, because I live in Asia (Korea) and zip over to Thailand quite frequently. That said, we've just made plans for her to come back to Korea with me for about a month, before she returns home to see her daughter and family, and then back to Korea with me for another month or so. I don't believe that she is going back to the bar while I am still in Korea because... we talk almost every night during standard "work" hours at which she was unavailable before paying the fee. She even gives me gifts from time to time, as opposed to being a sponge, and reacts with phrases tinged with genuine bafflement like "Why are you so good to me?" when I send her something like a cheap smartphone (her old mobile might have been stylish... in 2001... when mobiles first went to color ), or a coloring book for her daughter. She never asks for ANYTHING, and knows how much I make in Korea (which isn't that impressive). She's invited me to her home in Surin to meet her family multiple times. Quite frankly I just can't imagine that someone would do that if they were running a scam.

It may make a difference that she is quite a bit older than most of the other bar girls - 29, thirty on the day we're scheduled to leave actually. I'm 32... We're pretty close to the same age.

The only real red flag I have (beyond her former profession, and that she mentioned the release fee at all), is that she says that it is better for me to work in Korea than Bangkok. The reason is a combination of making more money in Korea than I could in Bangkok, and the recent political protests making her feel uncomfortable. I get the logic. I guess my suspicion will only go into overdrive, if she finds an excuse at the last minute to NOT get on the plane with me.

The point is that, based on my current evidence (Granted she's not yet back in Korea with me - that's scheduled for three weeks from now). There are cases of people paying this, and then actually having the girl not going to work in the bar. Then again, it's also entirely possible that I'm being a ginormous dumbass and will soon realize that I've just burned a couple grand on a permanent releases, airline tickets, and giving her 8k baht for her family over the next month that she didn't ask me for.

[shaky]

i took my girl from a bar in soi 80. i only paid 600 for bar fine. she stayed with me for 23 days. i asked her at the the end of my holiday how much she wanted in total. i was thinking between 25- 40 thousand baht. she only wanted 15,000 baht. i then asked her much i had to pay for her to leave and work with my brother in his restaurant. that fee was 7,000 baht (170 euro). my brother who before had 3 bars told me that the fee was normal if not cheap as she was a stunner and that he often got 15,000 for girls to leave his bars. she now works with him and lives with him and his family until i get her a visa to come to ireland. i send 35,000 baht a month to her. she sends her mother 8,000 baht and the rest is up to her. i go see her every 4 months. (3) times so far. she is coming over in march and i think now she is ready to adapt to ireland as she knows what to expect. wish me luck. any questions?

[Soonn]

i took my girl from a bar in soi 80. i only paid 600 for bar fine. she stayed with me for 23 days. i asked her at the the end of my holiday how much she wanted in total. i was thinking between 25- 40 thousand baht. she only wanted 15,000 baht. i then asked her much i had to pay for her to leave and work with my brother in his restaurant. that fee was 7,000 baht (170 euro). my brother who before had 3 bars told me that the fee was normal if not cheap as she was a stunner and that he often got 15,000 for girls to leave his bars. she now works with him and lives with him and his family until i get her a visa to come to ireland. i send 35,000 baht a month to her. she sends her mother 8,000 baht and the rest is up to her. i go see her every 4 months. (3) times so far. she is coming over in march and i think now she is ready to adapt to ireland as she knows what to expect. wish me luck. any questions?

My advice to you is to make sure that you have semi-frequent phone conversations during the hours that she'd normally be working in the bar. This is because, as my GF has said, there is a very very common scam among bar girls who have multiple "boyfriends" sponsoring them, and sending them money from overseas. Meanwhile they go to work every night as usual. Occasionally they change bars so that PIs won't find them quite so easily, but ultimately they never give up the work.

Aside from the fact that I trust her, I know my GF isn't in the bar again because we talk almost every night when a bar girl should be working, and she always picks up the phone on the first 1-3 rings and it is never noisy in the background (except when she was at the passport office which was out of work hours anyway).

My situation for meeting my GF was a bit different from most guys who meet bar girls - I was doing research for a novel and nonfiction essay about sex work. I barfined a ton of girls just so I could interview them. It was because of our conversations that I came to care for her. From the start, my GF was always the most honest and direct about the lifestyle. Now that she's left that part of her life behind, well.. honestly she doesn't like talking about it... I think she feels a lot of shame ... but during the transition phase she really held nothing back.

[migrant]

My situation for meeting my GF was a bit different from most guys who meet bar girls - I was doing research for a novel and nonfiction essay about sex work. I barfined a ton of girls just so I could interview them.

Granted, I doubt the mamasan would be sad to see me come back even without the release considering that I had a reputation for taking 3 different girls a night during my 4-6 day stays.

Ahhh there goes my hero worship of you!

[Soonn]

My situation for meeting my GF was a bit different from most guys who meet bar girls - I was doing research for a novel and nonfiction essay about sex work. I barfined a ton of girls just so I could interview them.

Granted, I doubt the mamasan would be sad to see me come back even without the release considering that I had a reputation for taking 3 different girls a night during my 4-6 day stays.

Ahhh there goes my hero worship of you!

LOL!!

That visit was mostly academic. Other visits, not so much. I feel slightly disappointed that if this girl ends up being the one, there will be no way for me to hit my centennial total number of partners... I take loyalty very seriously.

Most trips to Thailand cause my count go up somewhere between 6 and 18 total girls... The one at the end up this month will of course be zero since I am in a relationship now.

Sigh... a bit off topic, but being in a new relationship for the first time in forever is reminding me of all the stuff I have to give up. To quote my Facebook from this morning "The awkward moment when you realize that you have to encrypt, make backups, and hide away all of your sex tapes and top tier internet porn. This is the shit I always forget about when starting new relationships. I may have to buy a new solid state device..."

To which my friend comments "First world problems..."

[Soonn]

Update:

So far so good. She really is back home in Surin. I sent her a smartphone so that we could share photos and chat on LINE. Now she's giving me all kinds of updates with pictures of family, random bugs in her mother's garden, and herself. It seems very likely that she's legit and will be coming home with me (in Korea) in 20 days.

[jdlancas]

This is an interesting discussion. For me, I don't think of these girls as employees of the bar, but rather as contractor/self-employed/1099 status seeing as most of their income is not coming directly from the bar itself. I see them as more in a "contractual" status with the bar, and depending on the terms of their "contract" (whatever is expected of them as terms for working in the bar) they may or may not have to pay a fee to leave that "contract." Or, one could see them as a Temp working for a staffing agency, working multiple short-term jobs in the hopes of finding permanent employment... in which case the company that would be hiring her fulltime would have to pay the staffing agency in order to take on the temp fulltime. And, theoretically , she could pay the fine herself lol. I know I'm being a little loose with these analogies, but I thought it might be an interesting way to look at it.