Best of the Rest of the World

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Wed Feb 11, 2015 1:11 pm

Exactly

https://mail-attachment.googleuserconte ... lsAYUEwoOU

I'm out buying strawberries too now
RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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Dannie Boy
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Dannie Boy » Sun Feb 15, 2015 2:09 pm

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said 'white'

they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

I think they were those J Hovis Witnesses.

> *************************************************************

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.

> Nothing.

> *************************************************************

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a

whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

> ***************************************************************

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested

positive for WD40.

> ***************************************************************

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...

> ************************************************************

"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"

And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!

> *********************************************************

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.

Both in hospital...one's in a korma...the other's got a dodgy tikka!

> ************************************************************

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast they

can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

> ***************************************************************

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or

my sexy body?"

Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!'

> ********************************************************************

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Tue Feb 24, 2015 12:01 pm

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping...
RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Fri Feb 27, 2015 8:33 am

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers
and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:


There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to
spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning
he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car
for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and
his granddaughter.


One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could
not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward
to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife
came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter
for her weekly drive and breakfast. When they returned, the little
girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in
bed.

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked."Not really,
Grandpa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of
shit, horse's ass, tree hugger, socialist left wing prick, blind
bastard, dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we
went!


We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really
didn't have any fun."

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Fri Mar 13, 2015 8:58 pm

I can relate to this. I'm sure many of you out there can too

RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Bristolian » Mon Apr 06, 2015 3:11 pm

A 1964 classic ad
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"'The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." - Mark Twain

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Tue Apr 07, 2015 1:43 pm

10986936_572300129579556_1713453551034959258_n.jpg
10986936_572300129579556_1713453551034959258_n.jpg (40.46 KiB) Viewed 1045 times
RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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Dannie Boy
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Dannie Boy » Tue Apr 21, 2015 5:13 pm

Sound familiar?
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Dannie Boy » Tue May 05, 2015 10:02 pm

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids.
He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions.

Little Sasha puts her hand up and says: "I have two questions,

"Why did the Russians take Crimea? and

Why are we sending troops to the Ukraine?"

Putin says "Good questions". But just as he is about to answer the bell goes and the kids go to lunch.

When they come back, they sit down and there is room for some more questions. Another girl,Misha, puts her hand up and says "I have four questions,

Why did the Russians invade Crimea?

Why are we sending troops to the Ukraine?

Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? and

Where is Sasha?"

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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by gswedeng » Sun May 10, 2015 12:16 am

richard wrote:
10986936_572300129579556_1713453551034959258_n.jpg
:bow: :bow: Was a long time ago I read that, still makes me laugh!

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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Homer » Thu May 28, 2015 5:30 pm

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Dannie Boy
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Dannie Boy » Mon Jun 08, 2015 4:24 pm

Someone has a sense of humour
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Homer
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Homer » Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:28 pm

Why is this dog sad?
Llama-1-750.jpg
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You'd be


sad too


if you


were not


invited to


the party
Llama-2-750.jpg
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Homer » Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:54 am

Which came first, the wrapper or the mold/mould?
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Homer » Thu Feb 04, 2016 3:34 pm

1 year old dog brain vs 4 month old dog brain. Wait for it...

https://www.facebook.com/stephanie.y.jo ... 862880006/

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