Best of the Rest of the World

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dozer
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by dozer » Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:36 am

Guys watch out for this HOT girl, she'll rob you!
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Atheists have no need of a god. Our lives are not based on fear or guilt. We are moral because we know it's right.

Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity. R J Hanlon

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Tue Jan 13, 2015 12:47 pm



Verrrrrry interesting!

The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on
July 8, 1947 , a little more than 67 years ago, numerous
witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object,
(UFO), with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep
and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .

This is a well-known incident that many say has long
been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other
Federal Agencies and Organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month
of April, year 1948, nine months after the historic day,
the following people were born:

Barrack Obama Sr.
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden

This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding
with sheep and jack-asses.

I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of
things for you. It certainly did for me.

And now you can stop wondering why they support
the bill to help all Illegal Aliens.

RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

Homer
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Homer » Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:28 pm

Jaws Crib-2.jpg
I'd love to see their friend's first reactions.

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:37 pm

A truer word never spoken I reckon



A definition worth remembering:


There's an annual contest at Bond University, Australia,
calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.


This year's chosen term was "political correctness".

The winning student wrote:

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority
and promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end."


RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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Dannie Boy
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Dannie Boy » Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:21 am

YOU A PILOT??
You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, Are you a real pilot?
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

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Dannie Boy
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Dannie Boy » Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:24 am

How the Internet Really Began

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot..

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load - but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures: Hebrew To The People (HTTP). But this success did arouse envy.

A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

Lo, Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others!"

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known, he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything(GOOGLE)

And that is how it all began.



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I'm famous or not ?

Post by gohlingyaw » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:38 am

I'm famous or not ?
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Human Bomb Class

Post by gohlingyaw » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:40 am

i only teach once !
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Don't let your age take away the joy in life

Post by gohlingyaw » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:42 am

Don't let your age take away the joy in life
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gohlingyaw
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Last 5 minutes in exam

Post by gohlingyaw » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:44 am

Last 5 minutes in exam
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Lady proposes and Man proposes

Post by gohlingyaw » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:46 am

Lady proposes and Man proposes
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Are you going to laugh or cry after seeing this pic?

Post by gohlingyaw » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:49 am

Are you going to laugh or cry after seeing this pic?
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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Fri Jan 23, 2015 6:52 pm



Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.. ..

''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''
''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.
"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.

''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''
''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''
''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.
''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.

''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18, she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''
''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.


After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says. "They blow up so fast, don't they?"
RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

Homer
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by Homer » Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:48 pm

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What is the matter with you" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without even looking up said.. "Does she still have the hiccups.....?

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richard
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Re: Best of the Rest of the World

Post by richard » Thu Jan 29, 2015 6:51 pm


A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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