Best of the Rest of the World

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chelsea
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Best of the Rest of the World

Post by chelsea » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:08 am

We have already the Best of British and Best of Oz, but cannot remember seeing any other posts for jokes about any others, so we may as well start the Best of the Rest of the World

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in El Paso, Texas, while awaiting their respective flights, One is an American Indian from Lame Deer, Montana, another is a Texas cowboy on his way to Dallas for a livestock show & and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived in the U.S. from the Middle East,

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks. At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few.

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward. "Once my people were few (he sneers) and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth, and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl: "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet. But I do believe it's a-comin'...Yup it's a comin'..
:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
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Post by Wanderlust » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:38 am

Sorry chelsea but that just isn't at all funny. Not because of anything to do with race just that there is no humour there.

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Post by MrPlum » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:28 am

Here's a clean one that usually goes down well, if you can get the accents going. Apologies if it's been told before...

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

"And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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Post by chelsea » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:46 am

Nice one Mr Plum, very good start with that posting
:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
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Post by Guess » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:49 am

Wanderlust wrote:Sorry chelsea but that just isn't at all funny. Not because of anything to do with race just that there is no humour there.
Different strokes for different folks.

I do not want to take sides here but there already is a thread named "Really bad jokes" where it could have gone.

Anyway this thread was needed. I shall be posting a few on it soon.

Does anybody want to hear the one about the Frenchman , the Italian and the Australian in a bar talking about their girlfriends?
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Post by Big Boy » Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:09 am

Yes :D
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Post by Guess » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:08 am

A Frenchman, an Italian and an Australian meet in a bar an get on the topic of love making.

Frenchman:
When I marke love to my madamaselle I kiss her and caress her and she rise of the bed in ecstacy.

Italian:
That isa nothinga. Whena I makea the lovea to mya bella lady I kiss her and caress her fora one hour and shea rises onea metre froma the beda.

Aussie:
You guys are a pile of crock. After I was shafting my Sheila the other night doggy style a went and wipe myself on her curtains and she hit the f***ing roof.
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Post by Big Boy » Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:03 pm

Thank You :lach:
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Post by JD » Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:14 pm

Thor and Odin are up in Valhalla and Thor turns to Odin and says, "It's great being a god and everything but I haven't had sex in a millennium."

Odin says, "Well, what you need to do is go down to earth and find what they call a lady of the night and treat her."

So Thor goes down to earth and the next day returns with a smile from ear to ear.

Odin says, "It was good, then?"

"Good?" replies Thor. "It was great! We did it twenty-seven times in one night."

Odin is horrified. "Twenty-seven times?!? Mere mortals can't handle that! Go back to earth and apologise," he tells Thor.

So Thor goes back and finds the woman and says, "Sorry about last night, see, I'm Thor..."

The woman replies, "YOU'RE Thor? I can't even pith!"
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canadian joku

Post by lindosfan1 » Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:53 pm

No Speak English.......

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

(Please scroll down)



























What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!

Now get back to your emails.
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Post by Big Boy » Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:19 pm

The 7 Dwarfs went to meet the Pope. "Go on Dopey, ask him," chanted the other 6.

"OK" said Dopey, "Sir are there nuns in Alaska?"

"Yes there are" said the Pope.

"Go on Dopey, ask him," urged the other 6.

"OK" said Dopey, "Sir are there black nuns in Alaska?"

"Yes there are" said the Pope.

"Go on Dopey, ask him," cried the other 6.

Dopey blushed, "Sir are there midget black nuns in Alaska?"

"No, I don't think so," replied the Pope.

All 6 leapt up shouting, "Dopey shagged a Penguin!!!"
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Post by Big Boy » Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:51 am

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."
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Post by DawnHRD » Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:02 pm

Don't think Dopey shagged a penguin in Alaska, BB.


Antarctica, maybe. :twisted: :P :cheers:


So, it was a black midget nun. :D
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Post by Big Boy » Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:22 am

:oops: :oops: :oops:
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Post by richard » Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:15 pm

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago?
1. California became a state.
2. The state had no electricity.
3. The state had no money.
4. Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
5. There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically, it was just like California is today, except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.
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It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.

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