'"The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
The late American comic Joan Rivers
'I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.'
Bilious comedian Bernard Manning (1930-2007)
'The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.'
George Carlin (1937-2008)
'There ain't no Sanity Clause!'
Chico Marx's great play on words in a quickfire exchange with Groucho.
Happy Christmas all.....
